How I'm Handling My Son's Admission of His First Crush
Dandre is already ten years old, turning 11 this year. Before the school year ended, he admitted to...
Dandre is already ten years old, turning 11 this year. Before the school year ended, he admitted to me that he has a crush. I was VERY COOL about it, in front of him. But when I excused myself to go to the bathroom, I cried a little. Exaggerated I know noh?
There was a certain jealousy and fear in my heart when he was telling me about this tween milestone, both very well-hidden in the nicest smile I could show in my face. But I made sure I didn't let my selfish emotions rule during this important moment. It was a make or break moment and I'd like to think that somehow I made it.
So how did I handle my son's admission of his first crush? Here were the conscious ways I did:
I tried my best not to react violently nor show that I was in shock while he was opening this up to me. There were a lot going through in my head and all those I was struggling inside not to blurt out. I wanted to ask what does he know about crushes? I stopped myself from saying that he's still too young to have one! I didn't interrupt him while he was talking. I just listened attentively. I made him feel that I am interested in this milestone in his life. Most of the time our kids just want us to shut up when they are talking and just listen to what they are saying. I saved all my comments and reactions for the discussion I'll have with hubby that night.
Talk In His Tone.
Empathize with what you think he's feeling. Be sensitive with his tone of voice and talk to him in the same manner. Is he happy? Is he Excited? Is he shy or scared? Respond to him in the same tone as his so he will feel that you're sincerely interested with what he's saying. This is when the window of an open communication will begin and hopefully last until he's all grown up.
Never pull the trigger and shoot your judgmental comments on your child especially on his crush. You will just hurt his feelings and you're just giving him all the reasons not to open up to you anymore. Instead of asking "Why Her? She isn't pretty at all!" ask him what did he like about her. Never say your opinion, especially the bad ones, when not asked. By knowing what he liked about his crush, you'll be able to get to know more of your child's interests and what makes him blush or happy.
Be Happy For Him.
No matter how you're hurting inside, don't show him that you're getting all emo about it. He will think that he's the reason for your sadness and he'll be scared to open up these things to you. No child would want to break a parent's heart. Save your emo sharing with your husband or amigas.
Put Yourself In His Shoe.
Before you give him any violent reaction, try to recall, when did you have your first crush? Admittedly I had mine when I was nine. So ang OA ko kung mag-react ako sa kanya, why so early anak? Recall how excited you were to see your crush or how your crush makes you blush, he probably is feeling the same way. So you should put your understanding and supportive momma hat during this important milestone revelation he is doing.
Answer All His Questions.
Be ready with answers each time he asks you about your first crush. My son asked me when did I have my first crush. He also asked, "What did you feel?" "Were you talking to your crush back then?" "Does he know he's your crush?" "Did you tell him you have a crush on him?" I answered honestly and I also carefully used words that he would understand in his level. My conscious answers gave him an impression that I wasn't the kind of girl before that was easy, I was conservative. I also told him that if I were a boy, I would appreciate a girl who's like that.
Let Him Know You'll Always Be There.
For us, it may be a petty puppy thing, for them it's a milestone. It's something new, different and some feelings may understood differently by him if misguided. So let him feel your support, guide him well with your advice, be open to him, and teach him the right things and the right way to treat girls. Let him know what girls his age probably think of these things. Tell him how important it is that he doesn't keep secrets so that you'll be able to guide him through. Most importantly, tell him that you'll always be there for him, in happiness and in his first heart break.
Right now, I am still going through this stage with my son. So far, the things I said above are working well for us. However heartbreaking it is for me to know he already has a crush, I just kept it between me and hubby and my closest friends. I always tell him that girls want not only handsome boys, but also kind, intelligent and respectful ones. So whenever we're together, even when he was way younger, I teach him how to be respectful, how to treat a woman right, how to be thoughtful and write love letters. Naku po, SUPER SWERTE his first girlfriend is going to be! I know, I know, I'm thinking too advanced, I'm just preparing my psyche and my heart too.
For moms with boys like me, don't fret and worry too much. However heartbreaking it will be to see our boys start appreciating other girls, always remember, we will forever be our son's first kiss, first date and first love.