Five Things To Do to Help You Move On from Death of a Loved One

Today's the 14th day since mom passed away.  If I would take a look at myself on how I act and relate to other people after coming from ...

Today's the 14th day since mom passed away.  If I would take a look at myself on how I act and relate to other people after coming from my bereavement phase, I am assessing that I'm pretty okay.  Not perfectly fine and happy and all that, but I am okay.  I never had depression about the loss of mom and I am actually now back to my routine.

Like what I've written in my last post, I am moving on already.  I've taken steps to pave way to my moving on stage and I'm glad I've set my mind into committing to these steps to help myself pick up the pieces one day at a time.  I've always believed this phrase "IT'S ALL IN THE MIND."  It really is loves!  Whatever you do, how you react to different situations and whichever way you choose to be affected with life's episodes, it's all up to how you set your mind into it dealing with it.  I've set my mind to move on and not be depressed.  I've even turned the sad event of our lives into an inspiring story.

The story?  It's a story of the life of a strong-willed and beautiful woman who devoted more than half of her life to being a loving wife, a perfectly caring and nurturing mother who beyond her duties at home, still was faithful to her service to the Lord and mankind.  It's in fact a life that I will try to live up to because it's a life of selflessness through service to others, devotion to God,  and of intact principles and integrity.

You may wonder, how could I seem so okay now it's barely a month since your mom's passing?  I decided to move on.  I slowly took steps into getting there.  I know it's not just I who had lost a loved one.  This used to be my greatest fear actually, because I thought I wouldn't be able to take it.  I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it.  But I was wrong in doubting myself.  Moving on can be done and I want to share with you some Five (5) Things To Do to Help You Move On from Death of a Loved One:

  • Accept - There are things that's happening and is going to happen in our lives and the lives of the people we care about that are beyond our control.  Truthfully and I attest to it, only God knows when He will call on us to join Him in heaven.  When an important person in your life is taken away from you, all we have to do is ACCEPT God's will.  When my mom was diagnosed in April 30 with her dreaded disease, she told us that she's ready spiritually and mentally.  When we were at the hospital and was given a few weeks left for mom to live, she told me that she had accepted it, so should we.  It was a painful moment that day when her pulse rate went from 113 to flat line zero.  But I had to accept God's will.  From that day on, I never had a heavy heart.  I have been feeling light knowing that she's at peace, happy and probably serving the Lord directly up there in heaven, smiling at all of us.  All I had to do to achieve this is to ACCEPT, believe me, it's easier to move on when the first step you'll do is to have acceptance.
  • Change Routine or Do Something New.  Since I've been living with mom since birth (I take care of her and Daddy) changing routine may be a bit different for me.  We still follow the same household routine, except that what she used to do, now I do or delegate to the helper.  I guess that's a little bit of change right?  But the drastic change I made or something new I did was to have her name (and my children's too) tattooed on my right arm.  It's a small and pretty calligraphy font my dad helped me choose.  Looking at this change takes away my thoughts on mom's passing away and diverts it to my new tattoo.  Another drastic change I made was to chop my long locks.  It is something I have not done for the last eleven years.  It's all psychological and mental actually.  But cutting hair for me means cutting or letting go a part of my life and paving way to a new beginning.  
  • Talk To Family & Friends - Nothing beats being in the company of the people who shower you with love like your family and close friends to help you  move on and not be submerged in loneliness for the passing of the person you love the most.  More especially if you have a husband/wife/partner and children, focusing on their needs and making new fond memories with them will help ease the pain.
  • Get Busy - If you are working like I do, bereavement leave doesn't last long.  So when it's time to go back to your usual routine, it's important that you occupy yourself with tasks that will put your thoughts away from the loss of the person close to you.  When you make yourself busy with matters at home or at work, then moving on fast is within reach and you save yourself from unwanted depression.  Remember it's all in the mind.  The more you think about the pain, the more you'll drown in misery and we don't want that to happen.  By getting busy, you'll be able to pick yourself up faster.
  • Pray- Last but not the least, if all else fails (but I'm sure it won't) you could never ever go wrong when you pray.  Have a quiet moment everyday, every night or whenever you feel like it, to talk to God.  Unload all your feelings of pain, loneliness, grief, sorrow and depression.  Pray for healing and acceptance (if you still couldn't accept the death of your loved one.)  Pray as well for the eternal repose of the soul of your loved one and that he/she may already see the light.  God has reasons for everything.  We may not always understand it, but God has a plan for you.  Certainly, God has a plan for me.  And HIS plans are always ultimately for the good.  
I am still in the process of moving on.  These are the things I do each day to help mend my broken heart from my mom's passing.  Moving on doesn't necessarily mean that you will forget about your loved ones.  The memories will forever remain.  I will forever miss my mom.  But let us not be paralyzed by the end of one's life because God made it happen for a reason.  Let us all remember that every ending triggers a beginning.  We wouldn't know what that beginning is.  But if we put our trust in God's provision and will, we'll all know that we are being prepared by God for something greater.

In my case, my mom's passing made me closer to my brothers and made me appreciate my Dad even more.  It made me LOVE my family even more.  It made me realize the importance of saying I Love You, I'm Sorry and Thank You to the people who deserve to hear/feel it.  It made me see the importance of leading a good life on earth because our life here is temporary.  Lastly, it made me more open to having a better and closer relationship with God, because that's what we should all prepare for, our eternal life in heaven.  Just like what my mom did.  With her passing, she left a legacy in the church (for her devoted service) and the community.  With mom's death, she taught me the importance of loving God first and then loving others.

Now that she's gone and resting in peace, these realizations made me accept her death with more openness and made it easier to move on.  I hope that if you've lost a loved one too, this post will help you process your pain.  I also pray for your healing, just as how many prayed for our family's healing. 

With those in mind, let me end my post with this quote from Norman Cousin:

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.”

Have a great weekend loves!

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Mommy Practicality is a home and lifestyle blog that's about positive, informative, 
inspirational and helpful sharing of life experiences of a working mom 
with topics on motherhood, relationships, events, food, travel, shopping, and finances. 
It hopes to influence moms and women to realize 
that it's possible to live a quality life while choosing a practical lifestyle.

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