I visited my best friend Karina and her baby last week to celebrate the little one's first month birthday. I took her in my arms and smelled her hair, neck and mouth! AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Nothing ever smells so heavenly than a baby's scent. I went crazy AGAIN over the thought of having another baby!
This idea has been toying in my mind since early this year. Both my sons celebrate their birthdays on September (10 and 18) and I want my third (if we'll still be blessed with one more) to also be born on the same month. So that he or she won't be left out, plus it's practical and I find it cute.
I think even my colleagues have been waiting for me to show signs of baby on the way. Me being pregnant has been a constant joke in my place of work, probably because I constantly have a big belly? Waah! Ang panget!
Is there something stopping me? I would say yes. But do I want to get pregnant again? I would say yes too! Let me share what I think about this big monumental step in our family life.
First, having a big family has been a dream of mine since I was younger. I don't wish for ten kids, that's too much for me to handle. But since I had my first-born and experienced raising him, sending him to school, putting up with his kakulitan and when my patience was stretched to its maximum level, it changed. Hirap pala, isa pa lang that time, then Wes came after seven years (which I believe is a very good gap). As it is, our home is already crazy and my life is turning upside down already. But two is too little for me. Maybe one more I said (to myself) would be good.
Second, I have two boys and don't have a daughter yet. Having just boys was what I really prayed for. I only wanted boys so that I will be the only maldita or queen in the house. Yup I know, I know it's a selfish reason. But when I took care of my mom when she was sick and also decided for most of the important family decisions, I realized the importance of having a girl in the family. But having a daughter is like having a best friend and a companion until a mother gets old. Boys will get married, start their own family and leave their mothers. But daughters usually stay.
Third, if not now, when? If I don't get pregnant anytime soon (looking at within the year until next) then I think I will have a hard time carrying a baby at an older age. There will be more risks when I get pregnant at a later age plus the toll that's going to give my body.
So What's Stopping me from getting Pregnant again?
Fear of the unknown. I had a terrible childbirth experience with my first when I was 50/50 over a week after giving birth due to internal hemorrhage. Which is one of the reasons why my second came after seven years. God was so good to give me an almost painless labor and childbirth for my second time around. Now if I get pregnant again, I just fear about what I might experience during childbirth.
Practicality. They say having one or two children per family today is enough. It's enough for a middle-class family to be able to support each child without having to tighten the belt each time and to be able to let the children experience a rather comfortable life. They say having three or more children could spell impractical because of the higher cost of living. But my take on this actually is God really provides and I know we could get through. Even Daddy Practicality says that we both have sources of income and comparing ourselves to others who don't have regular jobs and still manage to raise more than four children, definitely we could afford another baby.
Looking at the above, looks like I want to get pregnant more than I don't. But actually, and probably you're thinking of this too, it's not up to me to decide. It's God's will that will be followed if he will be blessing me with another miracle, with another tiny human being growing inside me, with another replica of myself and Daddy Practicality and with another addition to our riot and happy family, then I would be the happiest! If not and He says, two is enough, then I would accept it just the same and be happy about that too.
So until that miracle comes (or not), I vow to keep myself stress-free, positive, eat healthier, be more active and to fulfill my duties at home, at work and in the community with loving dedication and joy. And I think, whether I yearn to be pregnant or yearn for something else, these things should be done. You too could practice the same in order for you to have a stress-free, healthier and more positive life! Who knows, you might get pregnant earlier than I do! :)
Reflecting on all these, they just boil down to three: Love God; Love Others; and one that we often forget to do, Love Yourself.
Have a great week ahead loves!