What LOVE Has Taught Me

I am no love guru.  In fact, I've failed many times at it, even up to this day.  I am now marr...

I am no love guru.  In fact, I've failed many times at it, even up to this day.  I am now married to my best friend, my soulmate, and my everything.  But before that, it was one hell of a road to get to where we are now.

I came from a failed marriage when I was in my early 20s.  I know now that I was indeed too young back then to be experiencing all the heartaches and downfalls I had.  And yet, I still didn't stop committing love and falling-in-love mistakes after that.  Finally, when I was sober, in my late 20s, 27 to be exact, I prayed to God, to keep me focused on what really matters, my son Dandre, my job, and in serving HIM.

In those "sober" days, I met my present husband who became my good friend.  We were both committed that time, so our relationship was purely platonic.  Until by some twist of faith, a few years later, a failed reconciliation after (between me and my ex-husband), our paths crossed and we grew closer.  Our story hasn't ended since then and this time I'm sure it never will because we believe na #MayForever.  But like what I said, we surpassed so many hurdles in our relationship before we got to where we are right now.  With those number of years of ups and downs, I learned a lot about LOVE and our relationship.  I may be right or wrong, but these are what my LOVE take-aways so far.  Let me share them with you....

I used to be hard-headed and stubborn (I think I still am at times).  I grew up always having to defend what I believe in and what I think is right, even if I'm not sure if I still am.  I have a tendency to reason my way out any argument.  As we grew into the relationship, I realized that this could be a surefire to ending ours or any relationship.  I cannot always be right because I am not perfect and of course I make mistakes.  Even if I can win an argument, I should just shut up and admit my faults, apologize when necessary and be in peace with my husband.  But honestly speaking, sometimes my being stubborn still manifests and when that happens, the argument prolongs.  I hate it when arguments which could be easily be settled but still linger because of pride.  I am still a work in progress in this department, but it has minimized through the years.  I need to remind myself every time from time to time to be humble to accept my mistakes and just apologize.  I'd rather lose the argument, than lose the one I love.

When we get into arguments, I always want it resolved right away, pronto, instantly, and that very moment, need I say more?  But our husbands need space to think things over, to process their feelings, and to release whatever hate they've got left in them towards us, by not directly attacking us.  I used to be so demanding when reconciliation and fixing problems between me and my husband.  But it just got worse because he wasn't ready to forgive and be okay right away.  I noticed that every time I got impatient, the argument prolongs.  So I learned to wait for my husband's readiness to be back to normal, to accept my faults, and to look at me and realize over and over the reason why he loves me.  It takes time for our men to process these things.  We have to be patient.  The reconciliation is a lot sweeter when our husbands are not demanded into it.  It's more heartfelt and more kilig to the bones.  Kiss and make-out-up becomes more intense.
When you accepted another person to share your heart and life with, you are no longer alone.  Being in a relationship means there's the two of you working together to make the relationship a successful one.  So this means, the world doesn't revolve around you ALONE anymore.  Love taught me to be more giving and selfless.  Love taught me how happy I could be serving my husband.  Love taught me how in giving you get back a lot more in return.  When I put his needs before mine, I get appreciated more, praised, loved more and more.  Thinking about him first, instantly makes him want reciprocate and do more than what you did for him..

They say, "We come to love not by finding the PERFECT person, but by learning to see an IMPERFECT person PERFECTLY."  I am very flawed, and so is my husband.  Our past experiences in life and love, make up whoever we are today.  The persons we chose to love are imperfect beings and so, by loving them, we should accept everything: their habits, their flaws, their shortcomings or excesses, their past, whatever talents or skills they have, their total being.  It's a total package.  My husband not only accepted just me, but also my son Dandre.  He loves him as if he was his own, for that I'm very grateful.  Though admittedly, sometimes it's hard to not expect something from my husband, especially on special occasions or situations.  The influence must be coming from what is norm in the society, but I realized that it's wrong.  I am still struggling with the don't-expect-too-much-theory because, I'm just any woman, who wants to be treated like a queen.  So when I think I'm about to fail in that aspect, I just remind myself to not expect too much.  Because whenever I don't and he does something for me, my heart just couldn't contain the happiness.  A husband's effort to show his shy love and affection, is felt and appreciated more intensely when least expected.  I learned this about love and I'm trying hard to keep on seeing his efforts and the beauty of it than expect too much and be disappointed.

When I told you earlier that we've gone through the roughest roads in our relationship avenue, I meant it.  We broke up once and we even had one of the toughest times right before our wedding.  Had not we attended the couples' retreat, maybe we still wouldn't be married to this day.  But in the retreat, I felt God's love through through the guidance of the retreat's organizers and facilitators.  God has forgiven our greatest sins, so who are we not to forgive our husbands or wives for their faults or weaknesses?  I learned how to forgive sincerely.  I learned how recovering from pain could be hastened by making the first step which is forgiveness.  By loving my husband for who he is, for his past mistakes, for his current faults, forgiveness should come naturally, no matter how heavy the weight of his wrong-doings against me were or will be.  I recognize how imperfect I am and that I also do him wrong at times or maybe a lot of times, I wouldn't really know maybe because he's more forgiving than I am.  With love, I learned how to forgive.  Actually with love, nothing is unforgivable (but there are still limits to this, which I may discuss separately).
Anyway, isn't it obvious how much I love and still in love with my husband?  He means the world to me.  I couldn't imagine my life without him in it.  I know I can survive, but it would be less exciting and less happy, without him.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not too dependent on him, but God gave him to me to be my husband and with that we are ONE.  We share the same dreams, the same goals, the same happiness, and the same love.  My husband has stretched me to become the person I am today, still very imperfect and a (hard) work in progress, and from a former too-strong/fierce-to-handle kind of woman to a submissive wife.

I thank my husband for being with me on this great journey called L-O-V-E.  I thank my husband for opening my eyes to what REAL LOVE is.  I thank him most especially, for also ACCEPTING and FORGIVING me endlessly.  Most especially, I thank my husband, for LOVING me for who I am and  for who I may still grow to become in the many years ahead of us.

I love him with all my heart and yes, I'm now very cheesy, so I guess I have to stop writing and start calling him so I could smother him with hugs and kisses and ...... eeeep! Anyway, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY everyone!

~What about you?  What has LOVE taught you?  Let's exchange notes! ~

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  1. What a great love story! Indeed relationship needs a lot of patience! My partner and the father of my twins was a long time neighbor and my kababata. I never imagined that I will end up with him after several heartbreaks. Yun pala kame din, naghanap pa ko sa malayo! Grabe yung pasensya at paghihintay nya sa kin! He He He! Congrats again and Belated Happy Valentine's Day!

  2. Hi @Nheng, thanks! Alam mo pala.. kapitbahay ko rin my husband.. pero since i don't go out often, i only met him adults na kami both, working na.. :) Happy Valentine's to you and hubby! :) God bless! :)

  3. This is super helpful! I'm glad you thought of posting this early on. :)

  4. Thanks @rae! Do share to your family and friends! :)

  5. Sana meron din list for kids with disabilities..




Mommy Practicality is a home and lifestyle blog that's about positive, informative, 
inspirational and helpful sharing of life experiences of a working mom 
with topics on motherhood, relationships, events, food, travel, shopping, and finances. 
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