Tuesday, March 08, 2016
Battling With My Insecurity and Jealousy
Tuesday, March 08, 2016Hi there! I’m pregnant and I feel insecure sometimes. I could always blame it to my hormones and the physical changes that I’m going thr...
Hi there! I’m pregnant and I feel insecure sometimes. I could always blame it to my hormones and the physical changes that I’m going through right now. Well, for the most part of it, it’s the hormones. But a percentage could be attributed to external factors like my husband maybe (oopps, sorry mahal! I hope you don’t read this!) and the media, other women, and to myself.
The hormones, I can’t do anything about it. It will affect me physically of course because first of all, my preggy belly grows bigger as the weeks progress until I reach full term. With that, I don’t look attractive or exciting and sexy anymore, which sometimes affects my self-confidence. Because of the physical changes, my activities are limited and sometimes my work is also affected, which became a reason for some lost opportunities. Physically, I now cannot see my feet and even my vajayjay. Sexy times decreased in frequency. I cannot wear socks and tie my shoes without help from my loved ones. I cannot keep my balance when wearing bottoms, panties included. I cannot travel too far, in fact, I missed our supposed family trip to Palawan which I booked last year.
I mentioned other factors such as my husband. I don’t blame him directly actually. It’s just that he’s so handsome (uuuy, mommies, siyempre love your own diba?!) and tall, talented, bad-boy-looking-charming, and could command other women’s attention even if he doesn’t ask for it. With this dilemma (dilemma talaga?!), lately, I get jealous easily of some women he talks to who aren’t familiar to me. I admit to checking his phone from time to time. I know I am creating my own nightmare, my own monster, by thinking I might lose him to someone or he doesn’t see me as attractive as before. It's superficial you may say because it's all physical. But there's a deeper issue here.
And the real issue is actually me and how I manage my thoughts and feelings towards the changes, towards my own activities, towards my physical limitations, towards my husband’s normal activities. After realizing this, I know I have to do something about my insecurities and my jealousy. Because these are super nega and will not help me achieve a happy and healthy pregnancy. Again, this is not a regular case for me, I just have those jealous-doubtful-arte days. So, I’m sharing with you…
The hormones, I can’t do anything about it. It will affect me physically of course because first of all, my preggy belly grows bigger as the weeks progress until I reach full term. With that, I don’t look attractive or exciting and sexy anymore, which sometimes affects my self-confidence. Because of the physical changes, my activities are limited and sometimes my work is also affected, which became a reason for some lost opportunities. Physically, I now cannot see my feet and even my vajayjay. Sexy times decreased in frequency. I cannot wear socks and tie my shoes without help from my loved ones. I cannot keep my balance when wearing bottoms, panties included. I cannot travel too far, in fact, I missed our supposed family trip to Palawan which I booked last year.
I mentioned other factors such as my husband. I don’t blame him directly actually. It’s just that he’s so handsome (uuuy, mommies, siyempre love your own diba?!) and tall, talented, bad-boy-looking-charming, and could command other women’s attention even if he doesn’t ask for it. With this dilemma (dilemma talaga?!), lately, I get jealous easily of some women he talks to who aren’t familiar to me. I admit to checking his phone from time to time. I know I am creating my own nightmare, my own monster, by thinking I might lose him to someone or he doesn’t see me as attractive as before. It's superficial you may say because it's all physical. But there's a deeper issue here.
And the real issue is actually me and how I manage my thoughts and feelings towards the changes, towards my own activities, towards my physical limitations, towards my husband’s normal activities. After realizing this, I know I have to do something about my insecurities and my jealousy. Because these are super nega and will not help me achieve a happy and healthy pregnancy. Again, this is not a regular case for me, I just have those jealous-doubtful-arte days. So, I’m sharing with you…