Mommy Practicality: Parenting

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Parenting A Tween: Peer Pressure

As if carrying our babies in our wombs isn't already hard enough, add on the labor pain and childbirth experience, the sleepless nights, the swollen breasts due to feeding and the physical toll on us mothers, Parenting the children is one big task which will be taking over most of their growing up years with our children. That's why it's important to really be intentional and be in tune with our children, no matter how busy we could get.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. In fact, I'm humbled to be a mother of two boys with different personalities. I am also proud to have undergone whatever I've experienced and still experiencing with the loves of my life.

My kids are seven years apart, 11 and 4 years old. Sometimes, I'm like a yoyo when I hear myself disciplining the older one, then shifting to a gentler, higher- pitched (and always excited) voice to the little one, when he calls my attention. Parenting two kids of different phases could go crazy. But this time, I'd like to focus on my tween, Dandre who's undergoing some inevitable changes as he is soon to exit the later childhood stage and about to enter the adolescent stage.

My son has been playing basketball since he was six and that's all he wants to focus on until he grows older he said. He studies in a private school and is enrolled in basketball clinics (since he was six) to support his interest in the sport. We live in a residential area in Manila, in one of the busy and crazy barangays with a VERY diverse mix of people and economies. If I keep him very sheltered, I might be depriving him of experiencing the REAL world and learning how to make friends with people from different walks of life.

Making Friends.
He's made friends within the neighborhood when I allowed him for the first time to join the barangay league last year. But he was still too young for hardcore street basketball and didn't care much about fitting in the group. But now he's almost 12, fitting in and being liked matter more. Not that he's having a bad experience in this department, but as a parent, I felt the need to give him early warnings, tips, advice, and better understanding about the friendship topic.

I just want to share with you some advice I gave him during our talk

YOU DON'T NEED TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE TO FIT IN.
I told my son that he is special and unique. He is very talented and he's really kind. I also told him the positive things my friends tell me about him when they get to talk to him.

Tuesday, February 03, 2015

Motherhood For Two: On Adjusting, Balancing and Learning

You may ask me and any mom, and we will tell you the same main reason why our Mommyhood department is joyful. The answer is, our CHILDREN.

No matter how sleep deprived, tired, sometimes abused (physically, mentally, financially, and even psychologically! lol), I would never trade being a mother to anything in this world! I am a little bit sentimental lately about my role as a mother to my seven-year apart sons. I feel like I regularly have to check on myself and assess how I fair as their mother.

Parenting style and communication are different for these two stages. They are almost a decade apart. So when we're together in a room, I consciously shift my tone and even the extent of my patience to both. But one thing I am mindful at all times is how I express my LOVE, admiration, and fairness to both boys. I don't want any of them to think or feel that one is more loved or that I pay more attention to the other. I know it will be a continuous process until such time when they are both mature enough to know the magic motherhood tricks I do all their growing up life.

ADJUSTING AND BALANCING ACT

From as early as the little one was still in my womb and while my then seven-year old awaited his younger brother’s arrival, I already conditioned my first-born and prepared him for the next chapter of our family life.

I involved him every step of the way (talking and singing to the baby in the tummy, purchasing baby items, nursing, and even bathing). He welcomed his brother lovingly and it was such a great feeling to witness how much happy it made him to see his tiny baby brother.

Forward to when the baby moved to toddler stage, while teaching the younger one how to walk, talk, sing, the ABCs, 123s, colors, and simple manners, I was teaching a different set of values, lessons, chores, money handling, and friendship matters to the older one.

Today, both of them are undergoing transition in their childhood stages. Kuya is entering adolescence in less than two years and the younger one will start his formal schooling in June. I am preparing the psyches of both my boys at the same phase and (hopefully) in the same amount of attention and time.

I may have gone through what I am going through now with the younger one because of my parenting experiences with his Kuya, but it’s still different because they have different personalities. So it’s like a totally new experience all over again with the little one.

FOCUSING ON MY (almost) ADOLESCENT SON

Presently, I teach a different set of lessons to the older boy. It now focuses on topics about serious studying habits, household chores, attraction to the opposite sex, relationships, developing his skills and talents, and being more matured. I also talk to him about love for family, responsibilities, priorities, consequences of actions, value of trust and current events. I was told by a parenting guru, that at the child’s age of 10-11, my clock is already ticking until my older son stops wanting me around, starts doing more activities outside family and wants to be with other people more such as his friends or maybe a crush, a special girl. That NOW is the time for me to make my last hurrah in making sure he’s ready for the next stage in his life.

Just the thought of this is breaking my heart. But I am preparing myself already for that stage too. I cannot stop my children from growing, from discovering things for themselves, and exploring what’s out there for them.

LEARNING ALONG THE WAY

You see, as I make an effort every single day to be a present parent to them and intentionally teach them only the good and practical things about life, I also learn from them and the experience at the same time. It’s a cycle of loving, teaching and learning. I want to share so much and as much as I can to my children because like any parent of a child, I want my children to grow up as fine young men who are God-fearing, kind, intelligent, talented, smart, compassionate, honest, honorable, responsible and hopefully as good leaders in their respective fields. I want them to be able to contribute to the community, to the society, and to the country in their own little ways. It starts by having a good heart and a strong will to make a difference.

Any parent aspires that for their children. As I work through achieving at least half of what my dreams are for them, of course I have to self-study, I have to learn from the success stories of others, and most importantly learn from the dynamics and uniqueness of my children individually. I have to learn how to adjust to their different personalities, moods, skills, intellectual capacities, talents and every else that make up their individualities. In learning from my children, I would be able to fulfill my mother role to them accordingly.

MOTHERHOOD AND PARENTING ARE BLESSINGS

I can say that no parenting style is exactly alike because no child of any parent is alike, at all. I always say, to each his own. As long as what you are teaching and doing for your children works for their positive physical, mental, emotional, and psychological development, then you're doing a great job. Every child entrusted to us by God to nurture, to protect, to teach, to mold, is a blessing. Therefore, parenting these little humans formed inside our wombs miraculously, is indeed a blessing. No matter how hard you think it is, (because it really, truly is) it is a wonderful gift from God.

I love my children so much and if you're a parent too, I can just imagine how you always wept tears of joy whenever your child says "I love you" back, kisses and hugs you or reaches a milestone. It's pure joy, an indescribable amount of internal happiness, when you always think of and prioritize what's best for your child. It's a blessing to witness these gifts of God grow and learn with you.

They will not be with us for as long as we want them under our care, but by surrounding them with LOVE and teaching them well, our children will make us proud and will forever make our hearts full and happy.

~These are the adjustments I make and wonderful experiences I have each day. Do you have more than one child? What are your thoughts on motherhood and parenting? I'd love to know, please do share. ~