Dear Mommy Practicality #3 Deciding To Be A Single Mom
This is week three of our Dear Mommy Practicality. Our story for this week (supposedly last week, but because of some reasons, this post was delayed, please forgive me loves!) is from a woman who decided to be a Single Mom and is faced with a relationship problem with the father of her children.
Let's read about her dilemma below and hope that you could share your advice as well below.
Dear Mommy Practicality,
My problem po kasi ako. Hiwalay n kmi ng boyfriend ko last year pa month of September. May dalawa na kaming anak. Ang reason ng paghihiwalay nmin ay nahuhuli ko pa rin sya na nkikipag flirt sa ibang babae at pagdating sa work pabaya sya at mabarkada pa.... kaya nagdecision na ako mkpaghiwalay.
Kahit nung wala ap kaming anak flirt sya sa babae at hanggang ngayon ay hindi nya pa rin inaamin na nagkaanak sya sa iba. Siya yung tipo ng tao na kahit huli na, hindi talaga aamin. Masyado na akong nasasaktan. Hanggang sa mawalan na akonq ng nararamdaman para sa kanya.
Mas pinagtuunan ko ng pansin ang 2 anak ko. Ngayon madami sya sinasabi na magbabago na sya at mahal na mahal nya daw ako pero it's too late. Hindi ko na talaga siya mahal. Naawa ako sa 2 anak ko dahil umabot pa sa ganito. Sana lang matanggap ng 2 anak ko ang sitwasyon namin.From:
Mas mahirap kung makikipagbalikan ako sa kanya pero hindi ko na talaga sya mahal. Magaaway lang kmi lagi. Nakakaawa lng 2 kifs ko kung lalaki sila na nagaaway lgi magulang nla. Mas ok na sa akin na dadalaw siya at least less away pa. Tama po kaya ang ginawa ko? Naging selfish ba ako?
First of all, thank you for sharing your story. The way I see it, you're examining yourself if what you've done is right or wrong or if it's fair for your child. Believe me, I have gone through what you are going through right now. I also questioned myself if I was being selfish or not. I doubted my decision and was even harsh to myself because there were times I tortured myself of guilt, which shouldn't happen in the first place. It turned out that YES, I was being selfish. Selfish and unfair to MYSELF because I was holding on and letting the guilt feeling take over my life, even when I already knew that my decision was for the welfare of my child. I don't want that to happen to you.
I've always been fighting for women empowerment and I say NO to abuse (verbal, physical or emotional) and no to choosing a miserable life just because you have children or just because the society dictates you to stick together as a family. All the more that women should stand up and be strong for their kids. We don't want our children to see their mothers sad, hurt or abused. It will just leave a traumatic memory in their hearts and may even affect them psychologically which may result to relationship problems/fears in the future. When your children are older, they will understand. No need to hide the truth to them. Just communicate in the level of their understanding. Matatalino na ang mga bata ngayon. Trust me, they will understand. One more tip, don't speak ill of their father no matter how much he has caused you pain.
I don't know your partner, but if you're saying that you don't love him anymore because of his dishonesty and infidelity, then I think you made the right decision. Don't look back and feel sorry for yourself, your children and your ex. Stand up for yourself and your children. I admire you for focusing on your children first.
Let me share a Single Mother Manifesto I read online:
|Photo by Toni South of Small Key Big Door|