Tuesday, March 08, 2016 Insecurity Jealousy marriage Mommy Time Relationships
Battling With My Insecurity and Jealousy
Hi there! I’m pregnant and I feel insecure sometimes. I could always blame it to my hormones and...
The hormones, I can’t do anything about it. It will affect me physically of course because first of all, my preggy belly grows bigger as the weeks progress until I reach full term. With that, I don’t look attractive or exciting and sexy anymore, which sometimes affects my self-confidence. Because of the physical changes, my activities are limited and sometimes my work is also affected, which became a reason for some lost opportunities. Physically, I now cannot see my feet and even my vajayjay. Sexy times decreased in frequency. I cannot wear socks and tie my shoes without help from my loved ones. I cannot keep my balance when wearing bottoms, panties included. I cannot travel too far, in fact, I missed our supposed family trip to Palawan which I booked last year.
I mentioned other factors such as my husband. I don’t blame him directly actually. It’s just that he’s so handsome (uuuy, mommies, siyempre love your own diba?!) and tall, talented, bad-boy-looking-charming, and could command other women’s attention even if he doesn’t ask for it. With this dilemma (dilemma talaga?!), lately, I get jealous easily of some women he talks to who aren’t familiar to me. I admit to checking his phone from time to time. I know I am creating my own nightmare, my own monster, by thinking I might lose him to someone or he doesn’t see me as attractive as before. It's superficial you may say because it's all physical. But there's a deeper issue here.
And the real issue is actually me and how I manage my thoughts and feelings towards the changes, towards my own activities, towards my physical limitations, towards my husband’s normal activities. After realizing this, I know I have to do something about my insecurities and my jealousy. Because these are super nega and will not help me achieve a happy and healthy pregnancy. Again, this is not a regular case for me, I just have those jealous-doubtful-arte days. So, I’m sharing with you…
How I Am Handling Insecurity and Jealousy
I beautify myself. To help me fight my physical insecurities, I make an effort to beautify myself. I take warm and peaceful bath using fragrant soap which lifts my mood. I choose maternity outfits which do not necessarily shout “Hey everyone, I am pregnant!” I make sure my clothes are preggy-comfortable, are stylish, and complement the remaining curves I still have left. Hahaha! I’m so giddy, the shops already have maternity shorts/short-shorts, short but comfortable dresses okay for work. I make sure I feel good about myself, and that’s important in boosting my confidence and self-esteem. Oh, don’t forget to brush your hair and apply simple make-up.
I keep myself busy. To divert my attention from the negative thoughts running through my head, the doubts, the insecurities I have, the jealousy I’m feeling, I make sure to keep myself busy at work or with the blog or with my kids. I always find something to do and put my mind and heart into it. This instantly dismisses the negativity I am experiencing at the onset of jealousy. I also exchange these thoughts into good ones by recalling great memories with my husband, his love and vow to me, our kids, our family dreams, and the new bundle of joy we’re expecting.
I communicate my feelings to my husband. Whenever I feel down, when my jealousy kicks in, my emotions take over, whenever I doubt or whenever I feel something’s not right, I tell this to my husband right away using feeling words, not attacking ones. It’s always better to be honest than to keep it all to myself and wait for it to explode. That's deadly. Aside from telling him what I feel, I also ask for more patience for what I’m feeling. Our husbands are not magicians nor psychics so it helps we tell them what we expect them to do to help us go through this. Personally, I tell my husband what I like and don’t like about what he does. I tell him also what he needs to do to keep on reassuring me of his love, and why I need it. He responds positively to this and I just feel silly afterwards for why I felt jealous or insecure. He reminds me how much he loves me, adores me and how he can’t live without me and the children.
I pray for my husband. Ever since my husband and I attended our weekly couple’s support group in CCF late last year, we’ve been learning a lot about our God, marriage, our roles as husbands and wives, parenting, forgiveness, love, and praying. I can say that our relationship, our marriage had improved a lot. The way we communicate, the way we look at each other, the way we give importance to each other, our affection, our love communication, and everything in between have improved. We’re more conscious on being intentional in all our efforts for each other. When in argument, we pause first before we speak. We are now quicker to forgive. Personally, as I go through my roller coaster hormonal phases while pregnant and battling with this occasional jealousy and insecurity, I just pray. We are not together 24/7 and I could always kill myself with doubts because of my insecurity. But I won’t let that happen. I’m thinking that he may be stressed at work, battling with temptations, and struggling out there, so why would I stress him out some more when he gets home? That’s the least thing our husbands want to come home to. I learned how to pray more for my husband. After every prayer uttered, I find some peace of mind and I stop worrying.
The struggle is real. It’s not that I don’t trust my husband, it’s not that. It’s a struggle within me. As a woman, an independent and strong one that is, I know that there are days when we feel insecure and jealous, trust me it’s okay. What is not okay is to let it linger and affect your relationship with your husband. Make sure you do something about it. I’m battling with it and I can proudly say I’m winning every fight.
~ Could you tell me that what I'm feeling is normal and I'm not cray-cray? Please share your relationship/marriage story related to fighting and winning over jealousy and insecurity too.~