Hi there!  I’m pregnant and I feel insecure sometimes.  I could always blame it to my hormones and the physical changes that I’m going through right now.  Well, for the most part of it, it’s the hormones.  But a percentage could be attributed to external factors like my husband maybe (oopps, sorry mahal!  I hope you don’t read this!) and the media, other women, and to myself.

The hormones, I can’t do anything about it.  It will affect me physically of course because first of all, my preggy belly grows bigger as the weeks progress until I reach full term.  With that, I don’t look attractive or exciting and sexy anymore, which sometimes affects my self-confidence.  Because of the physical changes, my activities are limited and sometimes my work is also affected, which became a reason for some lost opportunities.  Physically, I now cannot see my feet and even my vajayjay.  Sexy times decreased in frequency.  I cannot wear socks and tie my shoes without help from my loved ones.  I cannot keep my balance when wearing bottoms, panties included.  I cannot travel too far, in fact, I missed our supposed family trip to Palawan which I booked last year.

I mentioned other factors such as my husband.  I don’t blame him directly actually.  It’s just that he’s so handsome (uuuy, mommies, siyempre love your own diba?!) and tall, talented, bad-boy-looking-charming, and could command other women’s attention even if he doesn’t ask for it.  With this dilemma (dilemma talaga?!), lately, I get jealous easily of some women he talks to who aren’t familiar to me.  I admit to checking his phone from time to time. I know I am creating my own nightmare, my own monster, by thinking I might lose him to someone or he doesn’t see me as attractive as before.  It's superficial you may say because it's all physical.  But there's a deeper issue here.

And the real issue is actually me and how I manage my thoughts and feelings towards the changes, towards my own activities, towards my physical limitations, towards my husband’s normal activities. After realizing this, I know I have to do something about my insecurities and my jealousy.  Because these are super nega and will not help me achieve a happy and healthy pregnancy.  Again, this is not a regular case for me, I just have those jealous-doubtful-arte days.   So, I’m sharing with you…

I am no love guru.  In fact, I've failed many times at it, even up to this day.  I am now married to my best friend, my soulmate, and my everything.  But before that, it was one hell of a road to get to where we are now.

I came from a failed marriage when I was in my early 20s.  I know now that I was indeed too young back then to be experiencing all the heartaches and downfalls I had.  And yet, I still didn't stop committing love and falling-in-love mistakes after that.  Finally, when I was sober, in my late 20s, 27 to be exact, I prayed to God, to keep me focused on what really matters, my son Dandre, my job, and in serving HIM.

I am married with 2 kids. I've been in this situation some months ago. During those times that my husband and I are having hard times in our relationship, this person came and he had been my outlet. Sooner he admitted how he feels towards me and even told me that he's willing to wait until I'm free again. He's still single and he is already stable. My mind somehow thought of the possibilities with regards to my marriage. At times I thought of giving us the chance to get to know each other (we don't know each other personally & we haven't met in person), but I believe that wouldn't be right. I stopped txting and chatting him and i refused all his calls. I focused on my family instead and tried to rebuild our relationship. 3 months had passed, i received an overseas call, it was him. I told him not to spend anymore time on me but he told me he just wanted friendship. Sometimes I accept his calls and reply to his chats on FB but hanggang doon na lang, I limit communications with him...tahimik na ang buhay ko and i still believe as long as i do the right thing hinding hindi ako pababayaan ng Diyos...ok lng b na pagbigyan ko sya sa pagkakaibigan?

                                                                                              From,
                                                                                              Mrs. X

Dear Mrs. X,

Thank you for your letter.  Hubby and I talked about your situation and we both agreed that what you're going through is tough.  First of all, the man you married, is the man you made a vow to - For Better or For Worse, For Richer or Poorer, Through Thick or Thin, In Sickness and In Health, Til Death Do You Part.  Whatever it was or still is that you're fighting about or in your words, having hard times with your husband, is still part of the vow that you made to each other, that you'll stick together come what may.  In these times, God tests our marriages.  In these testing times, it also makes it convenient for intruders to come in.  When we say intruders, this does not pertain only to persons, it could be career or a hobby that will keep your focus away from the marriage.  The good friend you met, however helpful he was to you at your low point, and however he was able to fulfill your emotional need at that time, is one of the distractions in your marriage that if not controlled or eliminated could cause infidelity or failure to your marriage.

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It's very convenient for us women to find comfort from friends especially when we have problems right?  I also turn to my friends for support and encouragement.  But remember a good friend, will help rebuild a marriage, not break it apart.  A friend with good intentions will be like an angel, guiding you into fixing your marriage and not take you away from it.  I don't know the background of your new found friend, who just admitted his feelings for you, but from what hubby and I think based on your letter, maybe he is also lonely on the other part of the world he's in and has found an emotional attachment with you.  He may or may not be aware that in his pursuit of his own happiness and love, he could be destroying a family.  I will not even touch on the topic of the effects of a failed marriage or broken family to the children, that will be another long and sad story.

Personally, I believe that the start of infidelity in a relationship/marriage depends on us women.  We have the power to say YES to it and allow it to happen.  More especially we have the power to say NO to it and stop the intruders from entering our marriage.  In the same manner when let's say, the husband is the one who will commit infidelity, it will not happen if no woman will allow a married man to pursue her.  It's the same thing if the husband was just tempted into it, a woman must have initiated.  I am happy that you decided to focus on your family and children and put a stop into communicating with him.

Is it wrong or right to continue the friendship with him?  Ask yourself, will he help you and your husband be closer to each other?  Will he inspire and support you in becoming a better and more loving spouse to your husband?  Will he be able to nurture the love, respect and trust that you and your husband have for each other?  If your answers to all the questions are YES, then hubby and I think it's okay.  Make sure your husband is aware of this friendship especially if the person intends to help you with your marriage.  But if at least one answer is NO, then it won't be healthy to continue your friendship with him.

As married women, we should do everything we can to protect and safeguard our marriages.  The top of the list on how to do this is to communicate with God through daily prayers.  There's no better way to protect the marriage than to develop a relationship with God.  Put HIM in the center of your lives.  Second, safeguard yourself from new friendships with men, both offline or online.  Refrain from spending time alone with another man even if it's a harmless activity like sports or chatting, infidelity may start from these.  Lastly, continually bond with your husband and bring the sparks back.  Remember, no marriage is perfect.  As what Mignon McLaughlin said “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

Hope this helps Mrs. X.  Thank you for your letter and entrusting me your story!  God bless!

Sincerely Yours,
Mommy Practicality

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Here's to share an open love letter of a dear friend to her husband.  Somewhere along the avenue of their marriage was a detour that affected their relationship.  She is now trying to keep it on track and sends her letter to family and friends, hoping that someday this shall circulate and help troubled marriages find its way back HOME.  This letter has not reached her husband yet.  In time, may this letter land the inbox of her beloved.  Here goes: