Mommy Practicality: Reflections

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

My Birthday Reflections and Celebration

Monday, July 14, 2014

Thoughts on Getting Pregnant Again

Monday, May 05, 2014

Life Lessons You Should Know In Your 30s

This post is inspired by an article I read online, carefully researched and compiled in one great post by Mark Manson entitled: 10 Life Lessons to Excel in Your 30s.

I first saw it on Facebook when a colleague in her late 20s shared it. I got curious being in my mid-30s, so I hurriedly read it and boy, it made an impact on me and some of my friends as well. Why did I say it was it made impact? It was for the following reasons:

Talks About Life's Truths - an article created from a compilation of answers to a survey.
Talks About Process of Selection and Elimination - Getting rid of those who/that are bringing you down and keeping those that help you become a better person.
Talks About YOU. - Loving, Caring and Making You The BEST Person you could be.

I have been writing about women empowerment and how I dream of positively affecting others in my little way, which is through this blog. I also believe that one should practice what he preaches and thus, I want to share with you how I am in my 30s. I am first and foremost a very practical person, one who is goal-oriented and I love planning and implementing the plans. I am a dreamer, I cannot say ambitious, but I love dreaming for good things in life for myself and my kids. But it wasn't like that ten years ago. I learned the hard way, but the important thing is I LEARNED. I also took action after the learning. My life is not perfect and will never be. But what I do is I stopped comparing myself to others, stopped minding what others think of me and continuously try to improve myself little by little. So going back to the article, when I read it, it summarizes the life lessons I learned and what I wish to still achieve.

Now let's discuss what these are and I'll tell you what my thoughts are and if I have applied the principles in my own life.

1. Start Saving for Retirement Now, Not Later

When I was still single and in my 20s, I spent a lot on clothes, bags, shoes, expensive SPA treatments, and anything that would make me look good. I thought, I deserved that after all the hard work I did. I lived paycheck to paycheck. Now in my 30s and after having two kids, I realized how important saving is and setting up a financial goal for yourself.

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I realized how important it is to save for retirement, to invest your money and to save, save, save. I've read in some self-help financial books how important is to pay yourself first before paying your bills. That is true. Paying yourself means setting aside a portion of your earnings to your savings, to an investment and to your retirement plan.

It's never too late to start. The important thing is to START. And that's what I did back in October, 2012 when I got myself a Variable Life Insurance with provisions for investment, accidents, health assistance and death. When I signed that insurance application and got my policy bible, I felt so much secured. I know I am not only doing this for myself, but for my children as well. I don't want to oblige them to spend for my medicines or personal needs when I retire. I also want to leave something behind in case something happens to me.

Early this year, I withdrew my bank savings and invested it in special savings that has higher interest yields compared to savings accounts and even Unit Investment Trust Fund. I also bought a place for rest (for short, libingan), if ever I RIP. Since it was bought pre-need, it could either be sold to those who require it asap at a higher cost. Also on investments, make sure you study it first, that it's something that you can track and it's something that interests you.

"Make it your top priority to pay down all of your debt as soon as possible." I am honestly still on my way to achieving this because I have credit card debts. I was able to successfully close two accounts already and currently maintaining just one. I plan to pay my debt as soon as I can and get rid of these plastic cards soon. In case of emergency has always been a convenient excuse.

Keep an “emergency fund” in case anyone gets sick in the family, you know you have somewhere to get money from in cases of emergencies. I was told by a manager where I work to save up for at least a six-months-worth your salary for your emergency fund.

Purchasing a Memorial Plan may sound morbid to some, but it's practical and a smart move. It's not only for you but for your family as well.

Have you pondered about investments or insurances already? I'll be glad to talk about this deeper in another dedicated post.

2. Start Taking Care of Your Health Now, Not Later

I couldn't agree to this more. There are times when my mind thinks I'm still fit to get into some activities, but physically, I can't anymore. It's either I get tired easily or I get injured. BUT, I realize that it has something to do with my weight and what I put in my body. It's true that you are what you eat. You are the result of your food intake. With this in mind, healthy eating is important.

Now that I'm in my 30s, I try to eat as much vegetables, fruits and white meats as possible. I try (with all my might) to stay away from:

- Fatty foods (aargh, like Lechon, Crispy Pata and the likes!)

- Foods that are too sweet (goodbye to unli-chocolates and gummy bears, though I still eat a little)

- Junk foods (lucky that I'm not a fan)

- Processed Foods

The point is to stay away from bad foods and take in a lot of healthy ones. Exercise should also be part of our lifestyle. I'm one with those seriously struggling to achieve this. Believe me or not, I have been dieting for the longest time and it seems like I'm not losing weight. I recognize this fact and I know that I should correct something about what I do.

It's important to get in tune with your body, know its needs to achieve a healthier state. Let us (in 30s) be more conscious of what we take in. Can you promise me that?

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3. Don’t Spend Time with People Who Don’t Treat You Well

This is the selection and elimination process of the people in your life. You don't need to keep some people who make it a habit to hurt you, criticize you, make fun of you in public or drag you down in misery. You don't need to keep people who don't support you with your dreams and ambitions, those whom you are needing just because of their status in life or money but have the power to belittle you. Don't tolerate people who treat you wrongly.

Life is not about the quantity of people who come and usually go (especially when you have nothing) out of your life. It's about the quality of people who become happy for your own happiness and success. They are the people you know you can count on in times when you are down. Don't be afraid to eliminate them or end any relationship especially when it's not helping you grow. Believe me, there's a gracious way of doing it. PM me if you want to know how. :)

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4. Be Good to the People You Care About

Now that you've selected the people who you plan to keep, most of them are family and best friends, BE GOOD TO THEM. Be there for them. Don't take them for granted. Appreciate them. Look after them. For when will you CARE enough for these special people, when they're already gone? We don't want that to happen, don't we?

5. You can’t have everything; Focus On Doing a Few Things Really Well

Back in my 20s, I was always rushing. I was rushing to climb up the corporate ladder. I was doing everything I can to reach this dream. I was aggressive, I wore my mad hat all the time. I was very ambitious. I dreamed to achieve a lot.

Until I got pregnant with my first child in my mid-20s, resigned from a good job, didn't have money, failed at my marriage. My life was suddenly on reset. I rebuilt a career slowly and started at the bottom just to get by. I learned how to prioritize. I learned how to focus on what mattered that time which were: to do good at and build a steady career in my chosen field, be the best solo parent to my son, and be a good provider. I didn't want anything and I wasn't rushing anymore. Because I realized after the hits in my life that I cannot have everything. I just needed to focus and prioritize and perform well.

6. Don’t Be Afraid of Taking Risks, You Can Still Change

If you're in your 30s and you feel that you're not in the right job or you think your heart still desires to pursue that dream of yours when you were still younger, this is the best time to still DO IT! This is still a good time to TAKE THE RISK and GO FOR IT! :) Being in your 30s is considered mature but definitely NOT old. You don't want to wake up in your 40s or 50s and ask "What If?" right?

I started blogging in 2012. I studied communication arts in college and I've always wanted to pursue a career in media but I never got to that path in my life. I have a natural passionate artiste in me. So blogging became that passion or that road I took without really knowing where it will lead me to. But I'm definitely glad I took the risk. A BLOG in this digital age is considered a digital communication medium for almost all successful companies. So being a blogger makes me a media person (which I've wanted since I was a teenager) and I'm happy I took the leap!

It's never too late.

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7. You Must Continue to Grow and Develop Yourself

Like a computer, human brains need upgrading, otherwise it will be obsolete. You may be a subject matter expert of one topic now, but if you're stuck with what you know and not keep up with the new developments on your field, then what you know may be useless.

Educating yourself by attending seminars in fields you are interested in or learning a new skill that you've always wanted to do will add knowledge to your mental bank and therefore yield self-improvement in your 30s. It's never too late to pursue higher education as well. Now this is one thing that I have been eyeing on for the past three years. I hope to be able to enroll myself in school again next year. I am a sucker for new learning and educating myself.

It's also taking care of your health, mentally and physically. You have to learn and re-learn and never stop doing so. Spiritually, you may develop your relationship with God.

This also goes to say that we must strive to continue growing as better individuals, better parents to our children, better wives or partners to our loves, better friend or better colleague.

8. Nobody (Still) Knows What They’re Doing, Get Used to It

My take on this is that even if we think we've matured a lot in our 30s and we're more learned than those in 20s, think again. We in our 30s, should accept the fact that we don't really know everything. Some who are experiencing something new like a milestone in their 30s are novice to the experience. They still sometimes don't know if what they are doing is right or wrong. Let's take for example having your first baby in your 30s. Isn't it that no matter how you researched or read books on how-tos, it's different when it's actual application right?

So don't be surprised, not knowing what to do is okay. Just relax, this is to be expected when you're in your 40s, 50's and even 60s and above.

9. Invest in Your Family; It’s Worth It

I couldn't agree more to this. Always put your FAMILY first. Invest TIME with your family. Our children grow up really fast. My memory of my toddler as a baby is still very fresh to me. Whenever I would look at him now, I wonder why time flies so fast.

Being in your 30s also means, you've matured a lot already. Forgiveness of a family member who had caused you emotional trauma or had wronged you would require that maturity you've managed to develop. Now is that time to forgive and let go of the emotional baggage that's limping you down. Let it go. Especially if we're talking about our parents, who may be at this time already a Senior Citizen and who may or may not be sick, now is the time to repair the relationship.

To those like me in 30s and still want to have a baby, but admittedly are afraid because of the financial implications attached to it, I want to tell you what the article I read told me, just GO AND HAVE A BABY!! We sometimes worry too much for monetary reasons or health reasons (that's why we need to take care of our health!) and what have yous. Children are beautiful. They are God's gift to us. They make us strive more to be better persons and they push us to our limits. They also teach us lessons. They put our lives in order as well. So if you're in your 30s, go and PUSH! PAK! Have babies this time! :) It's worth it!

10. Be kind to yourself, respect yourself
When I was younger, honestly, I cared too much what others' opinions are of me. I used to just say YES to them and NO to my own needs and wants. It mattered to me to be accepted and to be liked.

I realized now how STUPID that thinking was. Now I CHOOSE MYSELF. I RESPECT and LOVE myself more, all my flaws, my skin, my skills, my talents. And by being kinder to myself, I developed and used my skills and talents to pursue my dreams, my passion and my desire to make a difference in this world in my own little way, without thinking anymore of what other people will think or say.

Blogging has helped me in the past two years to become more attuned to my inner core. It has helped me realize that I should love myself all the more. It has also helped me realized that by doing so, it's giving my life more focus. I'm glad I took this road.

Respecting yourself means being good to your soul and your body. It's saying NO to people who or things that's going to drag you down or make life difficult than it already is or even to opportunities that may take you away from your family and may oppose your values and principles. Respecting yourself is saying YES to everything good.

Remember to always know and respect your self-worth. By knowing that, you will take in only what you truly DESERVE in life.

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Happy week ahead loves!

~Are there any more life lessons you'd want to add to the list?~

Thursday, March 13, 2014

HOPE For A Woman With A Stained Past - A Life Reflection

Are there times in your busy life that you stop and recall what your life was ten years ago? Did you ever tell yourself, “I’m glad I did what I did because if not, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.” My answers to both questions are: YES. That’s why, I’m writing this post today.

I admit and I am not ashamed to say that I wasn’t a goody and tamed kind of girl. I could pass the kind of a lady that a mom of a boyfriend wouldn’t approve of for her son. Young. ~~Wild.~~ Free. That’s how I lived my life back then. But don’t get me wrong, even when I was #YOLO-ing, I was careful, I had contingency plans should I break and fall, and I had the courage to take full responsibility of my actions.

The Past.

Ten years ago, I already had my son from a previous marriage. Yup you read that correctly, I was married all for the wrong reasons (but that marriage didn’t last long hence was annulled in 2008). I just recently recovered from a near-death childbirth experience. My son was just four months old. I was jobless, didn’t have money and stayed at home. I didn’t have a mobile phone like everyone else in my circle of friends did. I didn’t have full support from friends. I was in a marriage I didn’t want in the first place. My life took a 180 degree turn, and I thought I was stuck in that miserable life back then. I thought I didn’t have any choice but to just accept, because I said, “This is the consequence of my actions, I should live with it.”

Road to Moving Forward.

I found hope for myself each time I looked at my child’s big round eyes. The fighter in me rose above everything else and convinced me to overcome my insecurities and fear, to clearly focus on what I deserve, to continue dreaming and to aspire for a quality of life that I want for myself and my son. I looked for a job after he turned one year old. I said to my ex, that I had enough. I gathered the courage to get out of the marriage that was nearly rotting me and probably my son’s future. I slowly got my life back together and started to commune with my new self again. I treated myself better. I became a better parent to my son. I performed well in my job.

The road to moving forward had its hits and misses. I turned to God while going through all these. I searched for Him and finally found him when I served in our church as a choir member. During this time God gave me a good friend who at that time also had troubles with the matters of heart. But while he was going through his own relationship battles a hundred fingers were pointed at me for being the culprit of his failed relationship, so I decided to disappear. I reconciled with my ex-husband, but unfortunately, it didn’t work again. A year later, I crossed paths with this good friend at the time when we were both free. We never separated since then.

Reflections.

Looking back if I just took in what little was given to me, then, I didn’t love enough and give value to myself. I would still be miserably living a life I didn’t want - A life that our society (spell relatives) expects a married woman to live.

If I focused on those judgmental remarks, comments, rumors, and harsh opinions of people about my life, I would have not been happily in love now. My life wouldn’t be as complete and perfectly imperfect right now.

If I put a limit to myself and wasn’t courageous enough to improve and invest on myself (work, education, talents and skills), then I wouldn’t be contributing to the good performance of my work team, I wouldn’t be able to support my parents, I wouldn’t be sending my sons to good schools and you wouldn’t be reading this post today.

LIFE Lessons.

LIFE is what you make of it. It is clearly up to you to deteriorate or invigorate it. We all have our ups and downs. People will never stop having opinions and judgment about you, dismiss them. It’s your life. You don’t owe anybody any explanation. Eliminate people that drag you down. Keep those who sincerely support and help you become a better person. Never think that you cannot accomplish something, just continue dreaming. Don’t focus on bitterness and hatred towards people who judged you, forgive them.

Your past do not determine what your future will be. Work everyday on becoming a better version of yourself at present. Don't let people who doubt and judge you limit you from creating a brighter future. Keep on moving forward my friend.

Yes, I did have a badly stained past - I almost died. My first marriage was a failure. I became a single mom. I was broke (spell no money at all). People harshly judged me even if they don't know me personally and what I've been through.

But my failure and other challenging life experiences motivated me to become STRONGER, BETTER, WISER, HUMBLE, and FORGIVING. I didn't give up on myself. I didn't lose hope. I didn't let depression take over me. I prayed hard to God to help me get through each day while I was fixing my life. He has given me so much, more than what I prayed for. Sometimes I think I am not worthy. So now that I am WHO I have become TODAY because I made my YESTERDAY motivate me to create my better FUTURE, I give it all back to HIM. I am thankful for this blog for it has become a channel for me to reach out to people who may have gone through, or still is going through, what I've been through.

I pray, if you're reading this and is currently in a difficult life circumstance, whatever it may be, DO NOT LOSE HOPE. May my life story inspire you to pick up the broken pieces, put them all together and fix them. Don't give your past the power to rule over your life and how you live it. Let it go. Forgive yourself. Pray. LIVE!

Photo Credits:
Spotless Future
Don't Judge Past
Keep Calm. Move Forward