Finding Time For Communication, Romance and Intimacy
Hello Loves. I was listening to one of the more popular morning radio show the other day and the topic was about Challenges Among Married ...
I was listening to one of the more popular morning radio show the other day and the topic was about Challenges Among Married Couples. It got me interested to listen longer because of the answers and explanation of the callers who aired out their marital situations.
Most, if not all, of the answers were about finding time, romance and dating. I would have wanted to call and say my piece too. But I got shy and would rather type my thoughts on the blog. I'll tell you some of the callers' answers that struck me.
- Caller A, Communication Problem: My wife and I are both working. We only get to see each other twice the whole day. Once in the morning before going to work and another at night when we're both home. We don't talk the whole day nor text each other. When we both are home too tired from work, we'd rather sleep than talk about how our day went more especially to make love.
- Caller B, Romance and Dating Problem: We can't seem to have time to date as a couple anymore. The last time we dated I think was two years ago. I can't seem to leave the kids alone. On weekends whether we go to the mall, dine out or watch a movie, we always bring the kids. When we go out of town, we also bring the kids. Sayang kasi if hindi pa namin isasama sa vacation. Nagui-guilty kasi ako pag hindi sila kasama. But I do have time to go out with my own set of friends, because I have my own life.
- Caller C, Intimacy Problem: After having kids, I've been more focused on my children than my husband. I feel like my kids need me more than my husband, after all, he's already an adult, he could handle or take care of himself. I also encourage him to be a more hands-on dad. For me it's okay if we don't have time to make love as often as before. Honestly, the urge or the thrill to be intimate with him kind of laid-low.
What I will be writing about are the efforts we invest in the loving relationship and how we address challenges in Communication, Romance or Dating and Intimacy.
- Communication - It is natural for us women to talk more compared to men. In fact in a US study, women speak 20,000 words a day or some 13,000 words more than average men. Blame it to the higher levels of Foxp2 brain protein or the "language protein" in women. Now, how do we manage to sort out issues with our spouse or partners or just simply let them talk their minds out? Here's what we do:
- Talk to him in the channel he is comfortable with. Let's admit it, not all men have the skills of a salesman who could talk to anyone of any stature with a breeze. If you see that your husband or partner could express his thoughts and feelings more effectively through texting or email, then let him. Our main objective in a discussion of matters is to know what's going through inside their heads right? I know how frustrating it could be to talk to the wall. In the same manner for us women, it's natural for us to express our emotions and our thoughts through talking, then let's do the talking. But don't forget to talk lovingly, no name-calling, no sarcastic remarks and to always think first before speaking.
- Don't force the talk. Yes, we could talk all day. Yes we want to address issues and discuss important life matters let's say about parenting, finances, our children's school performance and everything in between immediately. That's how we always want it done. But when our man is not ready to talk, most likely, you will just get frustrated if you force him to sit down and converse. Set the tone earlier in the day. Let's say, call or text him beforehand that you need to talk about something when both of you are well-rested at home.
- Connect. Even if you're married, let's not forget that you were once lovers, and it should still feel that way. Remember how butterflies floated in your stomach when you received a call or a text message from your love saying good morning and reminding you to eat breakfast, or saying he thinks of you and he loves you? Keep it going. Even if both of you are busy with your work or business, remember to ask each other how the day is going along or remind how you love each other. Give him a reason to think of you too during the day. It's easier to connect now because of the digital advances. We do connect both offline at home, via text or call throughout the day, and also online via Facebook messaging, commenting, and even status updates.
- Write simple love notes. Every now and then I write a love letter or a note saying how thankful I am to have him in my life. I also surprise him with my cheesiness on Facebook once in a while, not too often. It gives you and your spouse the kilig factor you felt when you were just gf-bf status.
- Compliment each other. Be generous with praise. He had a new haircut? Tell him how good looking he is. He had a career achievement? Tell him how proud you are of him. Words of encouragement and compliment go a long way. They make you both feel good about being together.
- Set a movie night or do a hobby you both love. Romance doesn't have to be expensive especially when you have kids. Set a time for watching a movie or TV series in the comforts of your home, make sure the kids are already asleep. That way, there'll be no interruptions to your bonding night. Don't forget to cuddle up.
- Cook a special meal. They say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That could be true love! Work on his favorite meal and cook for him.
- Dine out once a week or once a month. Remember when he was still courting you? You used to go out for coffee or dinner right? I encourage couples to still do that. Don't feel guilty leaving the kids at home once in a while. The date out night will do your relationship good. When you're out, refrain from taking about matters at home. Talk about each other. Talk about your dreams. Reminisce how you stayed as a couple. Believe me it feels good to reminded how kulit he was before or he may even boast about you making the first move or how you showed motives or how you courted him even if both of you know that's not true. Just laugh and have fun!
- Go out of town/out of the country at least once a year. If budget permits you may want to plan that once a year getaway to the beach or up north. If you have more budget, then an out of the country adventure would be nice. Celebrate your union, your love and your companionship by enjoying your alone time and just being lovey-dovey to each other. Remember how it felt during your honeymoon? Relive that moment!