Finding Time For Communication, Romance and Intimacy

Hello Loves. I was listening to one of the more popular morning radio show the other day and the topic was about Challenges Among Married ...

Hello Loves.

I was listening to one of the more popular morning radio show the other day and the topic was about Challenges Among Married Couples.  It got me interested to listen longer because of the answers and explanation of the callers who aired out their marital situations.

Most, if not all, of the answers were about finding time, romance and dating.  I would have wanted to call and say my piece too.  But I got shy and would rather type my thoughts on the blog.  I'll tell you some of the callers' answers that struck me.

  • Caller A, Communication Problem: My wife and I are both working.  We only get to see each other twice the whole day.  Once in the morning before going to work and another at night when we're both home.  We don't talk the whole day nor text each other.  When we both are home too tired from work, we'd rather sleep than talk about how our day went more especially to make love.
  • Caller B, Romance and Dating Problem: We can't seem to have time to date as a couple anymore.  The last time we dated I think was two years ago.  I can't seem to leave the kids alone.  On weekends whether we go to the mall, dine out or watch a movie,  we always bring the kids.  When we go out of town, we also bring the kids.  Sayang kasi if hindi pa namin isasama sa vacation.  Nagui-guilty kasi ako pag hindi sila kasama.  But I do have time to go out with my own set of friends, because I have my own life.
  • Caller C, Intimacy Problem: After having kids, I've been more focused on my children than my husband.  I feel like my kids need me more than my husband, after all, he's already an adult, he could handle or take care of himself.  I also encourage him to be a more hands-on dad.  For me it's okay if we don't have time to make love as often as before.  Honestly, the urge or the thrill to be intimate with him kind of laid-low.
Other answers given had something to do with money, extended family and friends.  But let's focus on these three: Communication, Romance and Dating and Intimacy.

I am not a relationship or marriage expert, because believe me I am far from that.  But what I know and will be sharing is, Macky and I don't have (major) problems in these areas.  Disclaimer ha, we don't have the most perfect relationship or partnership, we do fight once in a while, but we fight fairly and productively to address issues so they don't resurface.

What I will be writing about are the efforts we invest in the loving relationship and how we address challenges in Communication, Romance or Dating and Intimacy.
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  1. Communication - It is natural for us women to talk more compared to men.  In fact in a US study, women speak 20,000 words a day or some 13,000 words more than average men.  Blame it to the higher levels of Foxp2 brain protein or the "language protein" in women.  Now, how do we manage to sort out issues with our spouse or partners or just simply let them talk their minds out?  Here's what we do:
    • Talk to him in the channel he is comfortable with.  Let's admit it, not all men have the skills of a salesman who could talk to anyone of any stature with a breeze.  If you see that your husband or partner could express his thoughts and feelings more effectively through texting or email, then let him.  Our main objective in a discussion of matters is to know what's going through inside their heads right?  I know how frustrating it could be to talk to the wall.  In the same manner for us women, it's natural for us to express our emotions and our thoughts through talking, then let's do the talking.  But don't forget to talk lovingly, no name-calling, no sarcastic remarks and to always think first before speaking.  
    • Don't force the talk.  Yes, we could talk all day.  Yes we want to address issues and discuss important life matters let's say about parenting, finances, our children's school performance and everything in between immediately.  That's how we always want it done.  But when our man is not ready to talk, most likely, you will just get frustrated if you force him to sit down and converse.  Set the tone earlier in the day.  Let's say, call or text him beforehand that you need to talk about something when both of you are well-rested at home.
    • Connect.  Even if you're married, let's not forget that you were once lovers, and it should still feel that way.  Remember how butterflies floated in your stomach when you received a call or a text message from your love saying good morning and reminding you to eat breakfast, or saying he thinks of you and he loves you?  Keep it going.  Even if both of you are busy with your work or business, remember to ask each other how the day is going along or remind how you love each other.  Give him a reason to think of you too during the day.  It's easier to connect now because of the digital advances.  We do connect both offline at home, via text or call throughout the day, and also online via Facebook messaging, commenting, and even status updates.  
  2. Romance and Dating - Like what the caller said, she feels guilty when they leave the kids and not bring them to wherever they will go.  Are you guilty of that too?  Well, it's really different when our kids are there, that's the truth.  Our focus is split to different matters, home, work, children and our spouse.  But it's unfair to have lesser time for your husband just because you have kids.  Remember, there were the two of you before the kids came.  Make time for each other and fill the air with romance even after having kids.  Here are simple ways you could do:
    • Write simple love notes.  Every now and then I write a love letter or a note saying how thankful I am to have him in my life.  I also surprise him with my cheesiness on Facebook once in a while, not too often.  It gives you and your spouse the kilig factor you felt when you were just gf-bf status. 
    • Compliment each other.  Be generous with praise.  He had a new haircut?  Tell him how good looking he is.  He had a career achievement?  Tell him how proud you are of him.  Words of encouragement and compliment go a long way.  They make you both feel good about being together. 
    • Set a movie night or do a hobby you both love.  Romance doesn't have to be expensive especially when you have kids.  Set a time for watching a movie or TV series in the comforts of your home, make sure the kids are already asleep.  That way, there'll be no interruptions to your bonding night.  Don't forget to cuddle up. 
    • Cook a special meal.  They say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  That could be true love!  Work on his favorite meal and cook for him.  
    • Dine out once a week or once a month.  Remember when he was still courting you?  You used to go out for coffee or dinner right?  I encourage couples to still do that.  Don't feel guilty leaving the kids at home once in a while.  The date out night will do your relationship good.  When you're out, refrain from taking about matters at home.  Talk about each other.  Talk about your dreams.  Reminisce how you stayed as a couple.  Believe me it feels good to reminded how kulit he was before or he may even boast about you making the first move or how you showed motives or how you courted him even if both of you know that's not true.  Just laugh and have fun! 
    • Go out of town/out of the country at least once a year.  If budget permits you may want to plan that once a year getaway to the beach or up north.  If you have more budget, then an out of the country adventure would be nice.  Celebrate your union, your love and your companionship by enjoying your alone time and just being lovey-dovey to each other.  Remember how it felt during your honeymoon?  Relive that moment!
  3. Intimacy - Intimacy doesn't always translate to sex or making love.  Intimacy is sharing something very private to you both.  It could be a private sensual terms of endearment, a stimulating conversation, a flirtation or sexual tease, a graphic message exchanges that makes you want to be with each other that moment or when together it could be a tickle here and there, touching or caressing a ticklish body part or a sneaky wet kiss while he grabs your behind.  Anything that you may do with your spouse that may ignite the fire and later burn, burn, burn incredibly, do it.  If it can't be done at the moment because of house chores, work responsibilities or other activities, then schedule it.  It's always easy to say both of you are tired, but you got to work hard to keep it burning!  You don't want the fire to be blown right at your face and lit up by another person right?  Regularly kiss, tightly hug and say I love you to each other!  And lastly, if you can do it everyday or every night, make love to each other. 
I always believe that if there's a will, there will always be a way.  No matter how life becomes busy for you and your spouse, you have to be willing to make time for Communication, Romance/Dating and Intimacy.  Most of the time, when any one of these three is neglected, you're slightly opening a window for infidelity.  Protect your homes, your marriage, your relationship by making a loving effort for each other everyday.  It's true that we cannot stay in love with our spouse all the time.  But it's a CHOICE and a DECISION to do so.   

Lovingly Yours,

Mommy Practicality

~ How about you love, share in the comment form below: What are your challenges as a married couple and how do you address them?  How do you keep the fire burning?~

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8 comments

  1. Rikka Angela RedricoJanuary 28, 2014 at 3:58 PM

    A very timely post, muther! I'll definitely let my husband read this out loud, at kasama ako. Hahaha! I love it!

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  2. Wow Rikka! That's great! Sige update mo ko how hubby will react hahaha! :) Stay happy and in love! keep the fire burning! #AlamNa

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  3. Sheena Mamaril MalateJanuary 29, 2014 at 8:16 AM

    Thanks for this article. Nakakarelate ako! Hehehe.. Sobrang busy sa work (we're both working) and having a child around and yaya-less, definitely we had so very little time for each other! Thanks for these practical tips, keribells naman pala, at hindi naman pala imposible basta mag-eeffort ka lang kahit sa simpleng paraan, and it also pays na naiintindihan niyo ang love languages niyo ng partner mo. :) Keep the love burning Ms. Louise, thanks again for this post. :D

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  4. My pleasure Sheena! I wrote it from the heart! Dami ko pa sana ilalagay, pero magiging novel na siya! hahaha! :)

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  5. i love this post! :) marriage talaga is a work in progress. You will have to work hard to make things okay.

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  6. Thanks Nerisa! Hope it got you enlightened one way or another. The post was a result of years of togetherness namin ni hubby. Matinding pinagdaanan! hehehe!

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  7. Rikka Angela RedricoFebruary 18, 2014 at 11:12 AM

    Well, Louise gumana! Haha! Since nagkababy na kasi kami, unti-unti nababawasan yung mga intimacy and communication sa isa't-isa. But, ngayon slowly bumabalik. Kailangan talaga ng magandang foundation para maggrow lalo yung love. Sana yung iba rin makakuha ng lesson dito, naks! Hehe.

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  8. Wow! What a wonderful update Rikka ha!! I'm happy happy happy for you! This is why I go on with blogging, because I know somewhere out there I touch lives in one way or another. I feel so happy when I hear stories like yours! Keep the love burning Rikka ha! :) huugs!

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Mommy Practicality is a home and lifestyle blog that's about positive, informative, 
inspirational and helpful sharing of life experiences of a working mom 
with topics on motherhood, relationships, events, food, travel, shopping, and finances. 
It hopes to influence moms and women to realize 
that it's possible to live a quality life while choosing a practical lifestyle.



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