Did you ever believe in Santa Claus when you were younger?  Do you remember the sleepless nights as you anticipate for the Christmas season to begin so you could start writing your wishlist to Santa and hang your stockings by the door?  Do you recall the times when you rush to your stockings to see what treats Santa left for you in the morning as soon as you wake up?  I did and the feeling was awesome.

I remember how exciting Christmas season was for me when I was younger.  The cool breeze, the Christmas carols I hear everyday, the parol, lights and other decors which people start to hang by their homes, and the small and simple Christmas Tree we had at home all made my Christmases merry and exciting.

I believed in Santa Claus and he made my Christmases magical when I was younger.  But not until when at the age of six or seven I discovered that he wasn't real.  How?  I saw Mom and Dad wrap a special gift and hid it on the top of their closet.  I was a very curious child, so I reached for it and saw my name written on it.  The gift was for me, from Santa it read.  But how?  I saw my parents wrapped it.  When I asked them about it, they told me the truth.  My Christmases after that year weren't the same.

Now I'm a mom myself.  I made sure I didn't make the same mistake of spoiling the Christmas spirit and magic of Santa Claus for my children.  I even wrote about How To Make Children Believe In Santa Claus in one of my blog entries, which lists all the things I do for my children.  I am still doing them up until this day for my two children.  Here were some of Santa's gifts to them:

Until a few days before Christmas after I filled up my children's stockings with "Santa's Treats" my elder child Dandre noticed that it's the same chocolate bar he saw the previous night in the car.  He is already 12 years old.  In fact, for some, he's a bit old for a child to still believe in Santa.  He told our helpers, that he thought he saw the chocolate bar in the car and that he got the same.  Then he confronted me.  My bad.  My mistake.  My fault.  I told him the truth about Santa Claus and it was a heartbreaking moment for me that I had to post it on my IG:

Dear Santa, It's heartbreaking to let you know that today, my 12yo son found out the truth about you. He saw me put the chocolate inside his Christmas stocking hung on the door. For the past good 12 years, his entire childhood years actually, he firmly believes you exist even if his friends don't anymore. He writes to you year after year for Christmas wish list and shouts joyfully "Thank you Santa!" outside the door whenever he receives treats from you. Now, he asked for the truth and I didn't deny, he deserves to know. He asked, why do parents let their children believe in you even if you're not real? I told him, Christmases are more fun and magical for children who believe in Santa Claus. I asked him to recall all the times he received treats in his stocking and gifts from you, if it made his Christmases happier, exciting, and magical. He smiled, big genuine smile, because he recalled how happy it made him to believe in you. In closing our conversation, I told him to keep your magic alive with his little brother, other children and to pass it on to his own children in the FAR future. He said, definitely yes! 12 years, whew! I think I did a good job in making him believe in you until it lasts. Thank you for making Christmases jolly for Dandre during his whole childhood years. Hope I could accomplish it for Wessie and Baby Tummy as well. Love, Mommy Louise

A photo posted by Louise Antonette Fandiño (@mommypracticality) on Dec 20, 2015 at 1 

I was seriously affected by this moment of truth for him, that Santa is not real.  You know why?  He already started asking me a year to two years ago if Santa is real.

I said "Of course anak.  Why did you ask?"

Dandre said, "Because most of my classmates told me he's not real that I cried convincing them Santa is real... I believe in Santa Claus even if they don't believe in him anymore."

So, I still continued playing Santa's role in the following Christmases after that conversation and as parents, we're glad we were able to make him believe in Santa's magic for another year or two.  Until he learned the truth about Santa a few weeks ago.

When I told him the sentimental truth, he recalled all those years he got the gifts he wanted for Christmas from Santa.  He recalled how they were wrapped differently from the rest of his gifts and how it came with a crazily looking handwriting.  He had fun remembering how he even wondered where Santa drops his gifts when we don't have a chimney, and how I always have a creative answer or story to all his Santa-related questions.  He vividly recalled how happy it made his Christmases believing in Santa, and how he cried when his classmates discouraged him to believe in him, but still he was very much convinced he's real.  All those years flash backed and it brought him a nice smile on his face and joy in his heart.

I told him, now that you know, I want you to still keep the magic of Santa alive in his brother Wes' Christmas years to come (until he discovers it himself too), and other children.  I also told him, to pass this magic on to his children in the still-far-future.  I asked him if Santa indeed made his Christmases as a little child special, exciting, and memorable?  He said definitely yes.

12 years is no joke.  Prolonging his magical belief in Santa Claus for more than a decade of his childhood life is indeed a big effort on our part as parents.  And though heartbreaking as it is for both of us, I know I did a good job in making his Christmases as a little child merry, happy, exciting, and bright.  If he didn't discover it this year, I would tell him the truth next year anyway.  He'd be a teenager by then.

Shortly, he asked, "So, the Tooth Fairy also isn't real mom?"