I have three children now.  Yes.  For some, that means more wisdom in parenting, more motherhood experiences, and qualified to be called an expert in child caring.  While those could be true in other areas of my motherhood journey, in other areas I'm still in the learning curve.

Just recently, I made a big mistake.

That mistake cost my baby's first ever hospital confinement and my and my husband's first ever experience having our child confined, worse as young as two months old in age.  None of our children were ever confined due to illness or accident, but my big mistake broke that record.

Here's the diagnosis: Acute Gastroenteritis.  

It was Sunday night when he first vomited and had an abnormally loose bowel (it was runny and leaks-out-of-the-diaper kind.)  I thought it was just one episode.  Monday morning came, he had the same episode and same consistency of his bowel. I wanted to bring him right away to his pedia but decided to wait and observe.  He slept almost the whole day and fed very little from me.  He woke up when his dad arrived from work at night, then had a third episode.

We rushed him to the ER during the third time he vomited a lot and had a loose bowel.  I felt like he lost weight, he was light when I carried him.  He wasn't fussy nor cranky so I didn't think he was in pain or maybe he already lost a lot of fluid that's why he had no energy to even react at all.
The ER doctor recommended that he be admitted because Damien was already dehydrated.  His lips were dry and he looked pale.  Of course we had to follow what the doctor said even if it was heartbreaking to see an IV needle being inserted in his right hand.

I was sad and crying.

I felt guilt.

I felt like an awful mother.

I know I became neglectful.

We stayed for a day and a half in the hospital.  We signed a waiver for early discharging of baby because I cannot bear to see him in IV for another half day.  But of course we decided it was time to go home after the results of all his lab tests showed normal, no bacteria, no virus.  The episodes of his vomiting and loose bowel movements prior to confinement were the times he flushed out all the bad elements from his system.

The cause?  He drank a bad batch of my thawed breast milk.  I left the bottle for him to consume while I was away to run some errands.  But it was given to him beyond its expiry time.  I didn't discard it right away nor left a clear instruction not to give it to him anymore.  I was responsible for what happened to my baby and don't blame anyone but myself.

You see, I do follow a guide for storage, thawing, and expiration of expressed breast milk depending if it's stored at room temperature, in the refrigerator or in the freezer.  But that day I guess was meant to happen to teach me to STRICTLY FOLLOW the guide, be more conscious of the time, be a more responsible breastfeeding mom, and be extra careful in handling breast milk.  It's meant to happen too so I could share this very important lesson to moms and dads reading this.

Breast milk is really the best for babies.  Even if this unfortunate event happened to my baby, I would continue breastfeeding directly and give him expressed milk in a bottle but now with extra care.

Again mommies like me who's new to breastfeeding, do strictly follow the storing and thawing guidelines.  Never feel like throwing your breast milk would be a waste.  I know how expressing milk is a product of our hardworking time, blood, sweat, and to some, tears.  But it's not worth it if it's already a bad batch.  Our baby's system doesn't deserve to be given anything not premium, not fresh, and not organic.

Even if I've had two children before this baby, I still experience many firsts with our baby such as exclusive breastfeeding.  It's a first for me and the experience and journey are all new to me.  I've learned my lesson pretty well and it was a hard one.  One that hit me in the heart and in the head.
Here's a guideline I follow taken from Medela's Website:
So there you have it.  I will forever hold this bad experience in my heart and remind myself to be more careful in handling my breast milk.  There's always a first in motherhood, and this experience was a bad first for me and especially for my baby.

I'm glad he's better now and has gained his appetite back.  Thank you Jesus for healing our baby and giving him a solid immune system!  Mommies, may this post serve as a reminder and lesson for you as well.

Let's all have a happy, healthy, and safe motherhood! :)