Overcoming COVID Fears, Anxieties, Self-Pity and Guilt

Like most of you, I've always been extra careful when going out AND I DONT USUALLY GO OUT- I wear face masks, face shields, practice exa...

Like most of you, I've always been extra careful when going out AND I DONT USUALLY GO OUT- I wear face masks, face shields, practice exaggerated social distancing, and almost bathe myself with alcohol - because I fear getting the virus.  I never became relaxed with these health protocols.  But sadly, I still tested positive last April.  

Second day since I showed symptoms, I had a high-grade fever which I thought was just regular flu.

At first I was in denial and thought it was just a regular flu.  It was a huge mistake to begin with because I didn't immediately isolate myself and exposed other people in the household including my 80 year old dad and my kids.

I experienced a number of Covid symptoms such as fever, terrible body pains especially my back, severe headache, dry cough, colds, and diarrhea.  Thank God, I didn't lose my sense of smell and taste.  Four days from the first show of symptoms, I decided to be tested.  I came home and just started to isolate then.

I decided to do RT-PCR test on my 4th day since symptoms came out at Chinese General Hospital.


When the result came out POSITIVE the following day, my heart shattered to pieces.  I felt GUILTY and BLAMED myself for not isolating the moment I had fever.  I exposed my senior dad who is at high risk which may cause fatality.  I exposed my three kids, 2 of whom are below 10.  They all had antigen test immediately, my 2 kids, my nephew, and my dad tested positive.  The doctor advised to do RT PCR tests on them, praise God, the result yielded negative results. Immediately my dad, brother and nephew evacuated and stayed with my brother.  We decided that I do home care instead of staying in an LGU-assigned quarantine facility.  Days after my eldest progressed with Covid symptoms and also isolated himself in another room.


It's true that Covid doesn't only affect you physically, it affects the mental and emotional health of the patient.  3-4 days into isolation, I had a breakdown.  I wanted to scream, cry, go out of the room, it was like I couldn't contain my emotions, and my thoughts.  

These are just some of my medication and supplements while in isolation, recovering from Covid.

FEAR and ANXIETIES took over me.  What if my symptoms progress?  What if my oxygen saturation dropped? What if I need to be brought to the hospital - hospitals reached full capacity during that time.  What if this is the end of me?  I would have anxiety attacks each time I would check my temperature and oxygen saturation 3x a day.  I almost couldn't sleep well at night for overthinking.


I knew I had to do something about my fears and anxieties.  I turned to my one true healer - God.  I reminded myself that HE IS IN CONTROL.  I surrendered my Covid illness, fears, anxieties, guilt, to Him and rested in peace every night holding on to His promise of complete healing.  I have to let go of self-pity, guilt, blaming myself, and fear that were not helpful to my situation.

Daily video calls with my husband and kids and nightly prayer time sustained me while in isolation.

I listened to a Praise and Worship playlist of songs which greeted me every morning and puts me to sleep at night.  I announced and let everybody know that I was Covid-positive.  I broke free from fear of discrimination and self-pity.  Letting people know allowed them to practice kindness, compassion, concern, and show support.  Family and friends reached out and had food delivered and sent messages of concerns and even prayed for me and my family.  I surrounded myself with positive and filtered the negative.  I joined Covid-Survivors and Covid Home Care Facebook Groups to encourage other patients like me.  I talked to other friends who were also Covid positive that time but didn't want people to find out.  It became a mission to comfort them the way God's promise of healing comforted me.  I shared my experiences, encouraged them, and prayed for them as well while I was recovering from Covid.


Amidst having Covid, the GUILT, SELF-BLAMING, FEAR, ANXIETIES turned to GRATITUDE.  I am thankful Covid happened to me and not my husband who has asthma, I can't imagine if it happened to him.  Though one of my children got infected with the virus, God allowed my eldest who's physically fit and strong among the three, to have it and survive it too.  I'm thankful that even if the LGU or Barangay didn't handle Antigen and RT-PCR expenses, God blessed us enough to be able to afford a number of tests.  I'm thankful to have a cousin doctor who monitored me all throughout my 20 day isolation and recovery, and decided to do an aggressive management of the illness.  I'm grateful that because of the experience, my younger son stepped up and became the bigger brother- doing household chores and caring for the youngest too. I'm grateful to be in a position to openly talk about Covid on my platforms and turn their focus not on the illness and their fears alone but to God who's the greatest healer, our miracle worker, promise keeper, and light in the darkness, who's orchestrating everything that's happening to us, be it Covid or something else.  

Family reunited after my and my eldest's Covid recovery.  Praise God for His complete healing!


Along the process of recovery and healing, I've forgiven and stopped blaming myself for having Covid and risking my senior dad and my kids.  I've accepted the illness and turned the experience into something beautiful because I have something to talk about to encourage people and turn their eyes upon Jesus.  I now practice more self-love by eating well, embracing the sunlight, exercising, and become appreciative of people in my life - especially my family.   The Covid experience reminded me that indeed life is too short to be too occupied with things that we think matter a lot be it profession or possessions.   The experience reminded me to set my focus on what truly matters, my family and fortifying my relationship with God.  Praise God for His complete healing and for restoring me.  To God be the glory!

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Mommy Practicality is a home and lifestyle blog that's about positive, informative, 
inspirational and helpful sharing of life experiences of a working mom 
with topics on motherhood, relationships, events, food, travel, shopping, and finances. 
It hopes to influence moms and women to realize 
that it's possible to live a quality life while choosing a practical lifestyle.

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