What does surviving mean?  Does it always mean getting through hurdles and challenges in life?  Does surviving mean winning? Not all the time.

I don't normally share my personal struggles before for fear of judgement from people.  I also don't favor it when someone tries to fix what's wrong, because I thought to myself, that's not what I need. But as I matured and survived a lot of heartaches from death of a loved one, from losing a stable job, from betrayal of trust, and even experiencing Covid first-hand - I learned that the more I share my brokenness, the more I fulfill my life's purpose - to encourage, to give hope, and to lift up others, so they too may surpass their challenges.

Mom's Passing.

I experienced my first ever heartache over losing someone I love - my mother.  When my mom was still around, I admit to take her presence for granted.  I didn't tell her I love her enough.  I didn't appreciate all her motherly affection and expression of love not only to me, but her grandchildren.  

When she passed away, my heart was filled with guilt, regret, sadness, and shame.  I had a hard time recovering from her passing because I knew I can't turn back time.  Losing her taught me that life indeed is short.  Her absence made me appreciate her presence.  But it was too late to express my love and gratefulness.  This experience made me more mindful and intentional to my loved ones.  I told myself to never take someone for granted and live as if it's my or their last 24 hours.  I survived the pain losing my mom by turning it to LOVE.

Before the pandemic, my husband and I were processing our housing loan.  We wanted our own house so bad that we did all we can to achieve this dream.  Then pandemic came, emergency funds and savings were slowly touched.  Banks gave us a NO one after the other.  Our spirits were down.  It seemed nothing's going our way.  This taught us how to wait.  The NOs taught us to trust in God's plan more than ours.  We may be hurt from this experience, but it became clear to us that God's plan is not just better, but it's the best for us.  Pausing on our dream house may be painful, but trusting in God's timing made us survive this little failure in realizing our dreams.  We learned to appreciate what we have right now which others unfortunately may be lacking.  This taught us to be always grateful whatever circumstances we may be in.

For someone who rarely goes out and practices strict health protocols should there be a need to be out - I contracted COVID last April.  I was in denial at first because I never thought that even in my strict observance of hygiene and regulated protocols, I would be Covid positive.  I isolated myself at home from my loved ones for 20 days, 10 more days that the DOH required 10 days.  It's true that not only physical is affected by this illness, but my mental, emotional, and psychological health were affected.  I had a mental and emotional breakdown 4 to 5 days in isolation.  

I was having anxiety attacks, self-pity, and even felt guilt for exposing my 80 year old dad and kids.  My fear of death and being uncertain got the best of me.  But I knew it was only I who could turn things around.  By joining Covid Survivors PH group on Facebook, talking to family and friends who had or were experiencing Covid with me at that time, and by praying and surrendering my situation to God, I found peace and strength.  I knew that the moment I accepted that God's in control over everything, I was on my way to recovery.  Days went by quickly since then and my positive disposition gave hope to others who were also surviving their lonely isolation, one day at a time.

This pandemic has taught me resilience, strength, courage, and being intentional.  These things were the virtues I needed to survive painful situations and experiences that would break me and shatter me to my very core.  But best of all - surviving these situations wouldn't be possible without having HOPE in my life.  Surviving doesn't always mean getting through trying times triumphantly.  Sometimes we don't win, we don't achieve what we want so bad, and sometimes our lives make unexpected turns that would cause changes whether desirable or not.  But having HOPE that beyond all the ugly, all the sadness, all the defeats - we will prosper, we will endure, we will win, and we will SURVIVE.  That's what really matters.  

So no matter what life throws at you, remember to be hopeful because you too are and will always be a SURVIVOR.