• Communication
• Cooperation
• Problem-solving

• Obesity
• Diminished performance in education
• Troubles in dealing with emotional and social situations, as well as attention disorders
• Disturbed sleep
• Reduced time spent playing

• Capable
• Lovable
• Unique

As a young child, I grew up knowing I have parents who love me and give everything I need and some wants.  I have brothers and cousins I used to play with.  I remember feeling secured and happy.  Until I went to school.
I still vividly recall up to this day how a classmate in Kinder teased and insulted me for not knowing what the color of the tree was.  I knew it was green, but I colored the leaves blue.  Not because I didn't know it should be green, but because I couldn't find the color green in my set of crayons.  That was the first time I felt disliked, rejected, unsafe, and insecure.
Unknowingly, it was the start of finding and shaping my identity through others' opinion and set of standards.  Call it peer pressure or pleasing others or just plain desire to be accepted and liked by people outside the family.  And I was just four years old then.

I have a morena skin and was sporting a short hair.  My classmates were mestizas and had long hairs adorned with pretty ribbons.  THEY became my standard of beauty.  So I asked my mom's help to grow my hair (used a lot of Gee! Your Hair Smells Terrific shampoo thinking it would help grow my hair faster) and put the nicest ribbons.  I had always felt ugly and insecure back then.

Looking back, and now that I am a mom myself, I realized how important it is to fill the LOVE TANK of our kids at home so that when they go out there in the wild (the unsure, the unknown, the critics, and the unforgiving real world) they are sure of themselves, they know they are loved, they know they are pretty or handsome, they know they are kind, talented, smart, they know they are enough being themselves because he/she is unique, and that he/she is fearfully and wonderfully created by God.

I used to blame my parents, especially my mom, for not making me feel beautiful or not doing everything she can to protect me, especially I am the only daughter, the only rose among thorns.  But now that I've come to know Jesus and that I've become older and a lot wiser through God's grace, everything was clearer to me - and I don't blame anyone at all.

NOT EVERYBODY WILL LIKE YOU - And that's okay.  That's what I have come to realize and this is what I also want to teach my children.  I know God's purpose for my resignation is to prioritize my ministry which is my family - my children.  He gave me a chance to correct my mistakes, make up for lost times and opportunities to show and tell them how much they are loved, and that they are enough.

Here are some things in my heart to teach and tell my boys:
To my teenager:

• You are good looking and those pimples will eventually go away. 
• You are making big progress in your basketball skills and that's something to be proud of.
• It's okay not to have a girlfriend or an MU even if your peers are already into a relationship.
• Never let clothes, new phone, new shoes or any material things define you.
• It's okay to not have too many friends.
• You are a responsible child and a good brother, keep it up.
• You have been very helpful to us, thank you.
• You are loved by us.  But God loves you the most.

To my grade-schooler...

• You are making progress in socializing with other kids in Sunday school, keep it up.
• You have a big and wild imagination, keep on creating things.
• You have an exceptional drawing skills for your age.
• You are so different from your Kuya, but we love you just the same, like how we also love your baby brother.
• You have a big, kind, and compassionate heart.
• It's okay to not be like others, because you are special, you are unique in your own way.
• You are loved by us.  But God loves you the most.

To my toddler...

• You bring joy to our family, you are like a glue which makes us all stick together.
• You are a good entertainer and you amaze us each day.
• Your learning skills in speech is so cute, you will learn to talk eventually.  Know that whatever you say, we understand you, your needs and wants.
• You have an exceptional driving and running skills.
• Your imagination this early is wild, keep on exercising your mind.
• You are the only one who exclusively breastfeeds from Mommy.
• You are loved by us.  But God loves you the most.

MY CHILDREN - the world will have many expectations from you.  Expectations to keep up with the latest fashion and even gadget trends. Expectations to like what they like such as music artists, games to play or cartoon characters.  Expectations to have a girlfriend or a crush at a young age and engage in things (worse, vices) not appropriate for your ages.  Expectations to be cool or popular or stand out but not by doing what is good but what is different and harmful or hurtful to other people.

Mga anak, you don't need to meet those expectations.  You don't need to say, do, act, or have things just to be LIKED or to be popular.  Because honestly, you don't really have to make an effort to meet expectations just to be liked.  The fact is, not everybody will like you, and be rest assured, that is okay.

In our eyes, in our thoughts, in our hearts - YOU ARE ALL ENOUGH, and YOU ARE ALL LOVED.  We appreciate your presence in our lives.  We are thankful to God for bringing us such wonderful gifts that we don't deserve.  We are proud of who you all are.  We also acknowledge that no child is perfect and that's why we accept and love you just as you all are.  BUT as imperfect parents, it's our duty to raise up God-loving young men who will start their own families in the future and lead their children through their examples.  May we be able to show and teach you those examples well, through God's grace, even if we are imperfect parents to all of you.

But you know who accepts and not only likes but loves you the most?  God.  And He is enough.  Remember, not everybody will like you - and that is OKAY.

Zero to five years of age is the best time to take advantage of the baby's development of the brain, his language, social skills, and fine motor skills.  Parents should teach, sing, talk, and most importantly play with the children as much as they can during these important stages in their lives.

During play, our children learn a lot.  That's why it's essential to expose them to educational toys which will help them reach their learning potential.  One of the trusted toy manufacturers that support this is Fisher-Price.

According to Deborah, Weber, Ph.D. Director, Early Childhood Development Research from the USA, during an event I attended a few weeks ago, children develop at their own pace and reach milestones at different times.  Are you also guilty of comparing your child to another one of same age (only at the back of your head) when you see the things the other baby could already do?  Ako, yes, I am guilty of that.  But gladly, Dr. Deborah reminded every mom in the audience that each child is unique.  What parents could do to help their child learn is to support them with their learning road by giving them wonderful experiences as they grow from infants to young child. She also supports Fisher-Price's well-designed educational toys which has something for every child in different stages.

Sharing with you the differnt child stages, what they could already do and their milestones:
Ang ganda ng talk ni Dr. Deborah Webber and I really learned a lot.  Here were some of the parenting tips or learnings I picked up from her talk:

What's so important about choosing the right kind of toys for our kids?  Hindi ba pwedeng kung anong laruan ni Kuya, pwede na rin palaro sa bunso?  
No.  There are toys that could be over-stimulate a younger child which will not help in his brain development.  Always check the age-appropriate labels of the toys.  Toys which are interactive and challenging enough but without causing him frustration.  Plus, not all toys of older child's generation still meet the safety standard of toys today. 

How about exposing my child to differnt toys, kasi ang daming regalo nung birthday?
Dr. Webber answered this by saying, choose a few toys he would get used to seeing or playing each day.  Too much again would over stimulate the child.  If he gets tired of these set of toys, you may change the selection of toys every 3 months.

What is independent or unstructured play?
It's the time when our children play by themselves without us stepping in.  It's letting our children explore the educational toys and the surrounding by themselves so that they learn from these hands-on experience. 

Should I start reading to my child when he's already talking?
The earlier the better.  Read to the child even during infancy.  It's a great way to bond with them and studies show that reading could improve the child's language skills and increase their interest in reading.

Tantrums.  How to handle?
Let the child cry.  He throws tantrums when he can't express how he feels with words.  Give the child a few minutes to deal with his frustration.  When he's already calm, talk to the child about what the situation, reassure him of your love and be firm. 

Moms of this age are so lucky because there are so many resources that would help us (yes, kasama ako sa moms of little ones!) navigate through early childhood development and how toys play an integral part in their Physical, Cognitive, and Social & Emotional Development.  Honestly, being a mom of almost 15 years still doesn't make me an expert at all on motherhood and parenting.  There are still so many new things to learn each time.  Thanks to doctors who study how our children develops and of course to toy manufacturers such as Fisher-Price who have our children as their top of mind when designing quality and beneficial toys.  In every milestone, Fisher-Price is every step of the way.  Sharing with you age-appropriate Fisher-Price toys for your reference:

I have two children and another one on the way.  I'm expecting another boy, so that makes three boys in a row.  Wow, talk about boy making machine, yup that's me! :)  Although we were praying for a girl this time, God said, I'd be a better mommah to another boy, just as how I am with my first two boys.  Better luck next time (which my husband says in full swing baby production again for next year, haha, we'll see!).

Flashback to when I had only one child and the second one was still in my oven, one of the most fearful thoughts I had was how to not make my elder child might get jealous of the new baby.  Other thoughts were: How would he not feel less loved?  How would he not feel that we have lesser attention on him and more on the new baby?

Source

Wrote about my thoughts on motherhood, parenting, pausing and mom wars while sipping coffee.

Sometimes I wonder, am I doing it correctly or where have I gone wrong?  In the more than a decade being a mom to boys, I find myself examining my parenting style if I indeed paved a road to bringing up responsible little men or groomed them incorrectly?

Ahh... parenting or motherhood, is such a hard task which was assigned to us from the moment of the inception of our children in our wombs, whether ready or not.  If the blessing is given to you, you have to fulfill the mother role to your offspring immediately.

When I was a first time mom to my elder child, I didn’t have any idea on caring for another human being and bringing him up to be the fine young man I’ve envisioned him to be.  But so as when I became a mom the second time around to my little one, the experience was totally different.  The digital landscape was so vast too, that bringing up the second one was a lot easier, so I thought.  The two boys are alike and different in more ways than one.

I’m not saying that I am breezing through parenting like a real pro or an expert.  I certainly am not an expert even if I’ve had two already.  I do have struggles in keeping myself sane and composed when it comes to disciplining them.  I also lose control at times.  I sometimes lose it and feel frustrated too.  There were times when I beat myself to guilt when I feel that I’m failing.

I’m just like you.  I feel exactly just how you do.  I get tired everyday.  I feel bad when expectations are not met.  I feel horrible when my kids make the same mistakes over and over again even if I’ve eternally reminded them (especially the older one).  I also wish to take a break (a long one) to leave them to whoever is available to look after them.

I know how you feel, I feel that too.

Want to know what I do to combat these crazy thoughts or to dismiss these insane feelings?  I don’t leave, I don’t shout, I don’t lose it in front of them nor in front of hubby.  I PAUSE.

I pause to think and decide well.  I pause to examine myself if the words which came out of my mouth were helpful, healthy and constructive OR discouraging, harmful, hurtful and destructive.  I pause to give them a break too.  I pause to give myself and my sons, quiet and reflective time to assess everything.

Pausing helps to prevent saying things we don’t really mean and yet we’ve pierced the hearts of our children with hurtful things we already said.

Pausing helps in making both parties, the parent and the child/ren, realize the mistakes done and by doing so, make things happen to correct them.

Most importantly, I pause to PRAY.  I pray that I may fulfill my duty as my children’s mother.  I pray that I will have more patience.  I pray that I will be able to keep up with my children’s activities as they grow older.  I pray that I'd be consistent in the parenting and disciplining styles I use on them.  I pray that I will always be conscious in setting a good example so I may teach them more effectively.  I pray for a bigger and more forgiving heart, so that I may truly give them my unconditional love no matter what may they may turn out to be.

So being a mother is one hell of a tough job.  Being a mother, whether you breastfeed or not, stay at/work from home or not, is a role which drains you physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, and we don’t need another mother pinning us down just because we are not the type of mother that they are.  That’s the last thing we would ever need.

Why not, let’s just support each other and pray for each other: That we’ll be able to rear our children to the best of our abilities and capabilities; That we’ll be able to bring up good children;  That we’ll have enough strength each day to do our chores at home or at work and at the same time keep an eye on our children;  That we and our children stay healthy and safe all the time; and lastly, that we’ll not go crazy while going through good or tough parenting times.