• Communication
• Cooperation
• Problem-solving

• Obesity
• Diminished performance in education
• Troubles in dealing with emotional and social situations, as well as attention disorders
• Disturbed sleep
• Reduced time spent playing

• Capable
• Lovable
• Unique

As a young child, I grew up knowing I have parents who love me and give everything I need and some wants.  I have brothers and cousins I used to play with.  I remember feeling secured and happy.  Until I went to school.
I still vividly recall up to this day how a classmate in Kinder teased and insulted me for not knowing what the color of the tree was.  I knew it was green, but I colored the leaves blue.  Not because I didn't know it should be green, but because I couldn't find the color green in my set of crayons.  That was the first time I felt disliked, rejected, unsafe, and insecure.
Unknowingly, it was the start of finding and shaping my identity through others' opinion and set of standards.  Call it peer pressure or pleasing others or just plain desire to be accepted and liked by people outside the family.  And I was just four years old then.

I have a morena skin and was sporting a short hair.  My classmates were mestizas and had long hairs adorned with pretty ribbons.  THEY became my standard of beauty.  So I asked my mom's help to grow my hair (used a lot of Gee! Your Hair Smells Terrific shampoo thinking it would help grow my hair faster) and put the nicest ribbons.  I had always felt ugly and insecure back then.

Looking back, and now that I am a mom myself, I realized how important it is to fill the LOVE TANK of our kids at home so that when they go out there in the wild (the unsure, the unknown, the critics, and the unforgiving real world) they are sure of themselves, they know they are loved, they know they are pretty or handsome, they know they are kind, talented, smart, they know they are enough being themselves because he/she is unique, and that he/she is fearfully and wonderfully created by God.

I used to blame my parents, especially my mom, for not making me feel beautiful or not doing everything she can to protect me, especially I am the only daughter, the only rose among thorns.  But now that I've come to know Jesus and that I've become older and a lot wiser through God's grace, everything was clearer to me - and I don't blame anyone at all.

NOT EVERYBODY WILL LIKE YOU - And that's okay.  That's what I have come to realize and this is what I also want to teach my children.  I know God's purpose for my resignation is to prioritize my ministry which is my family - my children.  He gave me a chance to correct my mistakes, make up for lost times and opportunities to show and tell them how much they are loved, and that they are enough.

Here are some things in my heart to teach and tell my boys:
To my teenager:

• You are good looking and those pimples will eventually go away. 
• You are making big progress in your basketball skills and that's something to be proud of.
• It's okay not to have a girlfriend or an MU even if your peers are already into a relationship.
• Never let clothes, new phone, new shoes or any material things define you.
• It's okay to not have too many friends.
• You are a responsible child and a good brother, keep it up.
• You have been very helpful to us, thank you.
• You are loved by us.  But God loves you the most.

To my grade-schooler...

• You are making progress in socializing with other kids in Sunday school, keep it up.
• You have a big and wild imagination, keep on creating things.
• You have an exceptional drawing skills for your age.
• You are so different from your Kuya, but we love you just the same, like how we also love your baby brother.
• You have a big, kind, and compassionate heart.
• It's okay to not be like others, because you are special, you are unique in your own way.
• You are loved by us.  But God loves you the most.

To my toddler...

• You bring joy to our family, you are like a glue which makes us all stick together.
• You are a good entertainer and you amaze us each day.
• Your learning skills in speech is so cute, you will learn to talk eventually.  Know that whatever you say, we understand you, your needs and wants.
• You have an exceptional driving and running skills.
• Your imagination this early is wild, keep on exercising your mind.
• You are the only one who exclusively breastfeeds from Mommy.
• You are loved by us.  But God loves you the most.

MY CHILDREN - the world will have many expectations from you.  Expectations to keep up with the latest fashion and even gadget trends. Expectations to like what they like such as music artists, games to play or cartoon characters.  Expectations to have a girlfriend or a crush at a young age and engage in things (worse, vices) not appropriate for your ages.  Expectations to be cool or popular or stand out but not by doing what is good but what is different and harmful or hurtful to other people.

Mga anak, you don't need to meet those expectations.  You don't need to say, do, act, or have things just to be LIKED or to be popular.  Because honestly, you don't really have to make an effort to meet expectations just to be liked.  The fact is, not everybody will like you, and be rest assured, that is okay.

In our eyes, in our thoughts, in our hearts - YOU ARE ALL ENOUGH, and YOU ARE ALL LOVED.  We appreciate your presence in our lives.  We are thankful to God for bringing us such wonderful gifts that we don't deserve.  We are proud of who you all are.  We also acknowledge that no child is perfect and that's why we accept and love you just as you all are.  BUT as imperfect parents, it's our duty to raise up God-loving young men who will start their own families in the future and lead their children through their examples.  May we be able to show and teach you those examples well, through God's grace, even if we are imperfect parents to all of you.

But you know who accepts and not only likes but loves you the most?  God.  And He is enough.  Remember, not everybody will like you - and that is OKAY.

Zero to five years of age is the best time to take advantage of the baby's development of the brain, his language, social skills, and fine motor skills.  Parents should teach, sing, talk, and most importantly play with the children as much as they can during these important stages in their lives.

During play, our children learn a lot.  That's why it's essential to expose them to educational toys which will help them reach their learning potential.  One of the trusted toy manufacturers that support this is Fisher-Price.

According to Deborah, Weber, Ph.D. Director, Early Childhood Development Research from the USA, during an event I attended a few weeks ago, children develop at their own pace and reach milestones at different times.  Are you also guilty of comparing your child to another one of same age (only at the back of your head) when you see the things the other baby could already do?  Ako, yes, I am guilty of that.  But gladly, Dr. Deborah reminded every mom in the audience that each child is unique.  What parents could do to help their child learn is to support them with their learning road by giving them wonderful experiences as they grow from infants to young child. She also supports Fisher-Price's well-designed educational toys which has something for every child in different stages.

Sharing with you the differnt child stages, what they could already do and their milestones:
Ang ganda ng talk ni Dr. Deborah Webber and I really learned a lot.  Here were some of the parenting tips or learnings I picked up from her talk:

What's so important about choosing the right kind of toys for our kids?  Hindi ba pwedeng kung anong laruan ni Kuya, pwede na rin palaro sa bunso?  
No.  There are toys that could be over-stimulate a younger child which will not help in his brain development.  Always check the age-appropriate labels of the toys.  Toys which are interactive and challenging enough but without causing him frustration.  Plus, not all toys of older child's generation still meet the safety standard of toys today. 

How about exposing my child to differnt toys, kasi ang daming regalo nung birthday?
Dr. Webber answered this by saying, choose a few toys he would get used to seeing or playing each day.  Too much again would over stimulate the child.  If he gets tired of these set of toys, you may change the selection of toys every 3 months.

What is independent or unstructured play?
It's the time when our children play by themselves without us stepping in.  It's letting our children explore the educational toys and the surrounding by themselves so that they learn from these hands-on experience. 

Should I start reading to my child when he's already talking?
The earlier the better.  Read to the child even during infancy.  It's a great way to bond with them and studies show that reading could improve the child's language skills and increase their interest in reading.

Tantrums.  How to handle?
Let the child cry.  He throws tantrums when he can't express how he feels with words.  Give the child a few minutes to deal with his frustration.  When he's already calm, talk to the child about what the situation, reassure him of your love and be firm. 

Moms of this age are so lucky because there are so many resources that would help us (yes, kasama ako sa moms of little ones!) navigate through early childhood development and how toys play an integral part in their Physical, Cognitive, and Social & Emotional Development.  Honestly, being a mom of almost 15 years still doesn't make me an expert at all on motherhood and parenting.  There are still so many new things to learn each time.  Thanks to doctors who study how our children develops and of course to toy manufacturers such as Fisher-Price who have our children as their top of mind when designing quality and beneficial toys.  In every milestone, Fisher-Price is every step of the way.  Sharing with you age-appropriate Fisher-Price toys for your reference:

I have two children and another one on the way.  I'm expecting another boy, so that makes three boys in a row.  Wow, talk about boy making machine, yup that's me! :)  Although we were praying for a girl this time, God said, I'd be a better mommah to another boy, just as how I am with my first two boys.  Better luck next time (which my husband says in full swing baby production again for next year, haha, we'll see!).

Flashback to when I had only one child and the second one was still in my oven, one of the most fearful thoughts I had was how to not make my elder child might get jealous of the new baby.  Other thoughts were: How would he not feel less loved?  How would he not feel that we have lesser attention on him and more on the new baby?

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Wrote about my thoughts on motherhood, parenting, pausing and mom wars while sipping coffee.

Sometimes I wonder, am I doing it correctly or where have I gone wrong?  In the more than a decade being a mom to boys, I find myself examining my parenting style if I indeed paved a road to bringing up responsible little men or groomed them incorrectly?

Ahh... parenting or motherhood, is such a hard task which was assigned to us from the moment of the inception of our children in our wombs, whether ready or not.  If the blessing is given to you, you have to fulfill the mother role to your offspring immediately.

When I was a first time mom to my elder child, I didn’t have any idea on caring for another human being and bringing him up to be the fine young man I’ve envisioned him to be.  But so as when I became a mom the second time around to my little one, the experience was totally different.  The digital landscape was so vast too, that bringing up the second one was a lot easier, so I thought.  The two boys are alike and different in more ways than one.

I’m not saying that I am breezing through parenting like a real pro or an expert.  I certainly am not an expert even if I’ve had two already.  I do have struggles in keeping myself sane and composed when it comes to disciplining them.  I also lose control at times.  I sometimes lose it and feel frustrated too.  There were times when I beat myself to guilt when I feel that I’m failing.

I’m just like you.  I feel exactly just how you do.  I get tired everyday.  I feel bad when expectations are not met.  I feel horrible when my kids make the same mistakes over and over again even if I’ve eternally reminded them (especially the older one).  I also wish to take a break (a long one) to leave them to whoever is available to look after them.

I know how you feel, I feel that too.

Want to know what I do to combat these crazy thoughts or to dismiss these insane feelings?  I don’t leave, I don’t shout, I don’t lose it in front of them nor in front of hubby.  I PAUSE.

I pause to think and decide well.  I pause to examine myself if the words which came out of my mouth were helpful, healthy and constructive OR discouraging, harmful, hurtful and destructive.  I pause to give them a break too.  I pause to give myself and my sons, quiet and reflective time to assess everything.

Pausing helps to prevent saying things we don’t really mean and yet we’ve pierced the hearts of our children with hurtful things we already said.

Pausing helps in making both parties, the parent and the child/ren, realize the mistakes done and by doing so, make things happen to correct them.

Most importantly, I pause to PRAY.  I pray that I may fulfill my duty as my children’s mother.  I pray that I will have more patience.  I pray that I will be able to keep up with my children’s activities as they grow older.  I pray that I'd be consistent in the parenting and disciplining styles I use on them.  I pray that I will always be conscious in setting a good example so I may teach them more effectively.  I pray for a bigger and more forgiving heart, so that I may truly give them my unconditional love no matter what may they may turn out to be.

So being a mother is one hell of a tough job.  Being a mother, whether you breastfeed or not, stay at/work from home or not, is a role which drains you physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, and we don’t need another mother pinning us down just because we are not the type of mother that they are.  That’s the last thing we would ever need.

Why not, let’s just support each other and pray for each other: That we’ll be able to rear our children to the best of our abilities and capabilities; That we’ll be able to bring up good children;  That we’ll have enough strength each day to do our chores at home or at work and at the same time keep an eye on our children;  That we and our children stay healthy and safe all the time; and lastly, that we’ll not go crazy while going through good or tough parenting times.

As if carrying our babies in our wombs isn't already hard enough, add on the labor pain and childbirth experience, the sleepless nights, the swollen breasts due to feeding and the physical toll on us mothers, Parenting the children is one big task which will be taking over most of their growing up years with our children.  That's why it's important to really be intentional and be in tune with our children, no matter how busy we could get.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.  In fact, I'm humbled to be a mother of two boys with different personalities.  I am also proud to have undergone whatever I've experienced and still experiencing with the loves of my life.

My kids are seven years apart, 11 and 4 years old.  Sometimes, I'm like a yoyo when I hear myself disciplining the older one, then shifting to a gentler, higher- pitched (and always excited) voice to the little one, when he calls my attention.  Parenting two kids of different phases could go crazy.  But this time, I'd like to focus on my tween, Dandre who's undergoing some inevitable changes as he is soon to exit the later childhood stage and about to enter the adolescent stage.

My son has been playing basketball since he was six and that's all he wants to focus on until he grows older he said.  He studies in a private school and is enrolled in basketball clinics (since he was six) to support his interest in the sport.  We live in a residential area in Manila, in one of the busy and crazy barangays with a VERY diverse mix of people and economies.  If I keep him very sheltered, I might be depriving him of experiencing the REAL world and learning how to make friends with people from different walks of life.

Making Friends.
He's made friends within the neighborhood when I allowed him for the first time to join the barangay league last year.  But he was still too young for hardcore street basketball and didn't care much about fitting in the group.  But now he's almost 12, fitting in and being liked matter more.  Not that he's having a bad experience in this department, but as a parent, I felt the need to give him early warnings, tips, advice, and better understanding about the friendship topic.

I just want to share with you some advice I gave him during our talk

YOU DON'T NEED TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE TO FIT IN.  
I told my son that he is special and unique.  He is very talented and he's really kind.  I also told him the positive things my friends tell me about him when they get to talk to him.

No matter how sleep deprived, tired, sometimes abused (physically, mentally, financially, and even psychologically! lol), I would never trade being a mother to anything in this world!  I am a little bit sentimental lately about my role as a mother to my seven-year apart sons.  I feel like I regularly have to check on myself and assess how I fair as their mother.    

Parenting style and communication are different for these two stages.  They are almost a decade apart.  So when we're together in a room, I consciously shift my tone and even the extent of my patience to both.  But one thing I am mindful at all times is how I express my LOVE, admiration, and fairness to both boys.  I don't want any of them to think or feel that one is more loved or that I pay more attention to the other.   I know it will be a continuous process until such time when they are both mature enough to know the magic motherhood tricks I do all their growing up life.
ADJUSTING AND BALANCING ACT

MOTHERHOOD AND PARENTING ARE BLESSINGS
I can say that no parenting style is exactly alike because no child of any parent is alike, at all.  I always say, to each his own.  As long as what you are teaching and doing for your children works for their positive physical, mental, emotional, and psychological development, then you're doing a great job.  Every child entrusted to us by God to nurture, to protect, to teach, to mold, is a blessing.  Therefore, parenting these little humans formed inside our wombs miraculously, is indeed a blessing.  No matter how hard you think it is, (because it really, truly is) it is a wonderful gift from God.

I love my children so much and if you're a parent too, I can just imagine how you always wept tears of joy whenever your child says "I love you" back, kisses and hugs you or reaches a milestone.  It's pure joy, an indescribable amount of internal happiness, when you always think of and prioritize what's best for your child.  It's a blessing to witness these gifts of God grow and learn with you.

They will not be with us for as long as we want them under our care, but by surrounding them with LOVE and teaching them well, our children will make us proud and will forever make our hearts full and happy.

Before going back to work last Monday, we made sure we ended the holiday break with a grand family activity.   Nothing could be more magical than watching our favorite Disney characters perform live on ice!  Daddy Macky treated us Regular Box tickets to watch "Dare To Dream" Disney on Ice show last January 3 at Smart Araneta Coliseum.

Hello loves!  How's your mid-week so far?  Mine was a busy start, but I'm on leave from work earlier because my son has fever.  Help me please pray for his speedy recovery.  Thank you.

Anyway, our #DearMommyPracticality letter sender for the week is from a mom who is (still as of this writing) separated from her 2yo son and wants to get him back.  Let's read her letter now:

“Mom, may I please come with my friends to watch Guardians of The Galaxy and go to arcade tomorrow?”  It was a very simple yet powerful question from my 10-year old boy.

It struck me that my fear of THE day when he will ask me to be with his friends – had finally unfolded right before my very eyes.

I had to face reality.  I’m already a mom of an almost adolescent kid and that instant, a lot ran through my sometimes-over-analytic-mind like:

“Naku, he’ll have his girlfriend soon!”

“Oh no, he might have plenty of facial pimples!”

"He might not want to be with me anymore, at all."

Of course I allowed him, but not without me as a chaperone.  After all he is just 10 and not an official teenager.  Wait, what?  Me?  Already a chaperone and no longer his main companion?  Do you know how that feels?  I was emotionally affected, OA pero yun ako.  I vividly remember him as my first-born, a healthy toddler, an active preschooler, an adjusting grade-schooler, and now he wants to be more independent and go out with his friends.  I could be exaggerating if I tell you that my world was shattering and my heart was being cut in half, crying and breaking, when I was asked that question.

So last Saturday, I chaperoned him to his very first and official lakwatsa: movie and arcade with his school friends.  As expected, his classmates' parents also played the role of chaperones.  There was a feeling of relief that I'm not alone in going through this adjustment to my child's new developmental stage.  We were talking and agreed when we said, they are no longer our babies.

Dandre is already ten years old, turning 11 this year.  Before the school year ended, he admitted to me that he has a crush.  I was VERY COOL about it, in front of him.  But when I excused myself to go to the bathroom, I cried a little.  Exaggerated I know noh?

1. Saying PO and OPO. Isn't it music to the ears when you still hear PO and OPO from the children?  It does to me, always!  It shows respect for the elderly, plus only in the Philippines will you hear children say these words.
2. Pag-mamano. - Like saying po and opo, keeping the Filipino custom and tradition of "Pagmamano" is also showing respect for the elderly.  I still want to instill this to my children.  Even if I feel old when they do it, hehehe, okay lang.  They do this when we're in a family gathering, after hearing mass and especially during Christmas season while singing "Mano po Ninong, Mano po Ninang."

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3. Saying Please. I don't give them what they want to reach or get if they don't say please.  It's teaching them how to be polite to others.
4. Saying Thank You.  When they receive something, anything whether they like it or not, OR when a favor was done for them, saying Thank You goes a long way.  It teaches them how to appreciate effort and time of other people and it brings joy to the other person when he or she is acknowledged.
5. Saying You're Welcome.  I don't hear this too often anymore among children, but I do encourage my kids to still say "You're Welcome" to people who thanked them.  It's also acknowledging the appreciation of the other person.

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6. Saying Sorry. When they hurt another person whether intentionally or better if  unintentionally, saying Sorry will make things better.  
7. Saying Excuse Me or Pardon Me. Say Excuse Me when passing through between people, when sneezing or coughing, when you want to speak up, saying excuse me is a must.  It will be rude not say so.  Pardon Me/I beg your pardon is when you want the other person you're speaking with to repeat what he/she said.
8. Not to Interrupt When One is Talking. It is rude to start talking or do something while someone is talking.  This teaches listening skills, comprehension, respect for the person talking and open communication which will help our children in interacting with other people until they become adults.

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9. Never Say Bad Words.  I don't think any parents would want to hear bad words from their children right?
10. Take Turns or Wait for Your Turn. As early as they can already interact with other kids through play, I teach them not to just grab the toy which the other is playing.  I tell them to wait for their turn and that they could take turns.  For toddlers this could be quite challenging but it takes a lot of patience to instill this manner.  
11. Opening Doors or Giving Up Seats For Women/Elderly. This is teaching my boys how to respect the elderly and the women in our society.  It's teaching them how to be real gentlemen.  When I commute and take a chance at riding a full-packed MRT you won't see too many gentlemen anymore.  If I'm seated and I see a Lolo or a Lola, I would give up my seat for them.  The guy beside me was insensitive and plain oblivious.

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12. Giving gifts during occasions. Although sometimes we could be budget constricted, I still give value to the person celebrating a birthday or remembering one during Christmas.  I want to teach my children the value of giving and not always expect something in return.  It feels good to give and make someone happy.  It need not to be expensive, what's important is the thought.
13. Writing a Card/Letter.  As early as my elder son could draw and write, I taught him how to make a greeting card.  Receiving a hand-written letter/card is almost rare nowadays.  I want my little gentlemen to make effort in writing a card or letter for someone especially during special occasions.  I have a stack of my son's letters/cards.  I kept them all!  
    
    
    
14. Wash hands.  This could be considered a value for them, it simply means keeping hands clean before and after eating or after coming from the restroom.  They will never know who they will be shaking hands with right?  We especially don't want them to get infected by germs from dirty hands.
15. Don't Talk When Mouth is Full. It's disturbing to see one talking with food in his/her mouth.  It's impolite plus it could get messy too.  When one talks while chewing, there's a tendency that the chewed food might accidentally get out of the mouth which may cause spreading of virus should he have colds or cough.  Finish chewing before talking.  It's not a pleasant sight to see the food you are chewing right?
16. Chew Quietly. Table manners say in most countries say, we should make no noise when chewing.  Better when mouth is closed when chewing too.  
17. Get only what you can finish.  When dining in or out and there's food on the table, they should just get serving which they can finish.  It's better to get small portions and come back for more, than get more all at once and have left-overs.  It's teaching them not to be greedy too. 

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18. Cover Mouth When Sneezing/Coughing.  To avoid spreading the virus, I teach my children to cover their mouths when sneezing and coughing.  It's also being considerate of the people around you.
19. Finish What You Started.  When doing anything like art, drawing, eating or any project, it's important to teach the value of not leaving things unfinished.  They will bring this when they are already adults to be applied at work projects or even in relationships.
20. Close What You Opened. As simple as closing the door, the closet, the drawers the lights when not in use anymore is 
21. Return What You Borrowed.  I really do not encourage borrowing.  But just in case there will be a need, then it's important to return it.  Let's say books from the library, I remind my son to return it to the library and it should be on time to avoid any penalty.
22. Always Be Truthful.  I cannot tolerate lying, super.  I couldn't stress how important it is to teach our children not to lie nor steal.  I'm sure alam nyo na yun. :)

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    Always Do Your Best.  We sometimes tend to push our children too hard especially when it comes to academics.  But my number one rule is to Always Do Your Best.  Because when our children do your best, they will feel proud about what they did.  People noticing their performance in whichever field, will come next.  
24. Be A Good Sport. In life, we do not always win.  That's the reality.  It's important to teach our children to be good sports should there be instances that they lose in games or sports or a competition.  What's important is again, #23. :)
25. Never Cheat.  As much as we want our children to be number one or to win, we should teach them to do #23 and not to do dirty tricks or illegal things just to be on top or just to win.  Besides, cheating then winning will never make them feel like a genuine winner at all.
26. Respect and Never Make Fun of Others.  Each child is unique and different from each other.  Some are even more special by having physical or mental challenges or differences.  Let's teach them to accept the uniqueness of others, respect and not to make fun of them because they are also children of God.
27. There's TIME for Everything.  Time is gold and this is what I say to my elder son always. There's time for everything, like time to pray, eat, play, study, watch TV.  I'm teaching him simple time management.  Also how to respect other people's time by being on time.  For when in the future he becomes a businessman or an employee in a good company, being punctual is definitely plus points.

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28. Learn To Share.  Sharing what they have, like cookies and toys, will always be good, especially if they have extra.  
29. Never Hit.  I don't want my boys to grow up as batterers, who would want that?  I don't even want them to be basaguleros just to get what they want.  I tell them that hitting is not good because it hurts another person.  Also, I'm not a spanking/hitting kind of parent when it comes to disciplining.  I see the value in effective and loving communication to get my messages across.  
30. Never break Promises.  When my son commits mistakes here and there and promises me he'll be better or not do it anymore, I always explain to him what a PROMISE means.  A promise is a commitment or a vow you made which at all costs, should be done and never be broken.  It's important in human relationships as well.  That's why as a parent I am very careful with my promises.  Whenever I promise something, I really keep and fulfill them.

Last weekend, I attended the "Yes Mommy: How to Talk so Your Children will Listen & Understand" Workshop at Ortigas Center.  The Yes Mommy workshop was presented by Optimommy and Manila Workshops in cooperation with Unilab.  I found out about the workshop through Martine of Dainty Mom and by registering to the workshop using her code, I was able to get a 50% discount.

What really happened: The night before his big day, I spent an hour decorating the dining and living area.  The morning he saw it, he SMILED, but he wasn't as WOWed by it anymore.

Before I put my kids to sleep, I had a little discussion with my eldest and there's a guilt feeling in my heart that I may have gone overboard.

Photo from Flickr Creative Commons by  o5com

Because of this, I've searched around on disciplining a grade-schooler.  Here is a compilation of discipline strategies: