Dear Mommy Practicality (On Infidelity and Friendship)

It's February already my loves!  This love month, as announced on my Facebook Page , I will be featuring love problems or questions eve...

It's February already my loves!  This love month, as announced on my Facebook Page, I will be featuring love problems or questions every week.  This blog feature is called Dear Mommy Practicality.  Four stories will be featured and one of them will be selected to win a special gift pack from me.  Should you be interested to send in your entry, do email or Facebook message me your concerns.

Our first letter sender for today comes from Mrs. X.  Let's see what her love problem is

Dear Mommy Practicality,
I am married with 2 kids. I've been in this situation some months ago. During those times that my husband and I are having hard times in our relationship, this person came and he had been my outlet. Sooner he admitted how he feels towards me and even told me that he's willing to wait until I'm free again. He's still single and he is already stable. My mind somehow thought of the possibilities with regards to my marriage. At times I thought of giving us the chance to get to know each other (we don't know each other personally & we haven't met in person), but I believe that wouldn't be right. I stopped txting and chatting him and i refused all his calls. I focused on my family instead and tried to rebuild our relationship. 3 months had passed, i received an overseas call, it was him. I told him not to spend anymore time on me but he told me he just wanted friendship. Sometimes I accept his calls and reply to his chats on FB but hanggang doon na lang, I limit communications with him...tahimik na ang buhay ko and i still believe as long as i do the right thing hinding hindi ako pababayaan ng Diyos...ok lng b na pagbigyan ko sya sa pagkakaibigan?
                                                                                              Mrs. X

Dear Mrs. X,

Thank you for your letter.  Hubby and I talked about your situation and we both agreed that what you're going through is tough.  First of all, the man you married, is the man you made a vow to - For Better or For Worse, For Richer or Poorer, Through Thick or Thin, In Sickness and In Health, Til Death Do You Part.  Whatever it was or still is that you're fighting about or in your words, having hard times with your husband, is still part of the vow that you made to each other, that you'll stick together come what may.  In these times, God tests our marriages.  In these testing times, it also makes it convenient for intruders to come in.  When we say intruders, this does not pertain only to persons, it could be career or a hobby that will keep your focus away from the marriage.  The good friend you met, however helpful he was to you at your low point, and however he was able to fulfill your emotional need at that time, is one of the distractions in your marriage that if not controlled or eliminated could cause infidelity or failure to your marriage.
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It's very convenient for us women to find comfort from friends especially when we have problems right?  I also turn to my friends for support and encouragement.  But remember a good friend, will help rebuild a marriage, not break it apart.  A friend with good intentions will be like an angel, guiding you into fixing your marriage and not take you away from it.  I don't know the background of your new found friend, who just admitted his feelings for you, but from what hubby and I think based on your letter, maybe he is also lonely on the other part of the world he's in and has found an emotional attachment with you.  He may or may not be aware that in his pursuit of his own happiness and love, he could be destroying a family.  I will not even touch on the topic of the effects of a failed marriage or broken family to the children, that will be another long and sad story.

Personally, I believe that the start of infidelity in a relationship/marriage depends on us women.  We have the power to say YES to it and allow it to happen.  More especially we have the power to say NO to it and stop the intruders from entering our marriage.  In the same manner when let's say, the husband is the one who will commit infidelity, it will not happen if no woman will allow a married man to pursue her.  It's the same thing if the husband was just tempted into it, a woman must have initiated.  I am happy that you decided to focus on your family and children and put a stop into communicating with him.

Is it wrong or right to continue the friendship with him?  Ask yourself, will he help you and your husband be closer to each other?  Will he inspire and support you in becoming a better and more loving spouse to your husband?  Will he be able to nurture the love, respect and trust that you and your husband have for each other?  If your answers to all the questions are YES, then hubby and I think it's okay.  Make sure your husband is aware of this friendship especially if the person intends to help you with your marriage.  But if at least one answer is NO, then it won't be healthy to continue your friendship with him.

As married women, we should do everything we can to protect and safeguard our marriages.  The top of the list on how to do this is to communicate with God through daily prayers.  There's no better way to protect the marriage than to develop a relationship with God.  Put HIM in the center of your lives.  Second, safeguard yourself from new friendships with men, both offline or online.  Refrain from spending time alone with another man even if it's a harmless activity like sports or chatting, infidelity may start from these.  Lastly, continually bond with your husband and bring the sparks back.  Remember, no marriage is perfect.  As what Mignon McLaughlin said “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

Hope this helps Mrs. X.  Thank you for your letter and entrusting me your story!  God bless!

Sincerely Yours,
Mommy Practicality

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  1. I could not agree with you more, Louise, that the start of infidelity is dependent on whether a woman says YES or NO. You gave great advice to MrsX. :)

    I've had my share of yucky moments in my marriage, believe me. The way I see it, in marriage, the whole "Do unto others as you would want others to do unto you" (tama ba?!? haha!) lesson that we learned as kids is one of the most important things that we should apply. What if your husband was doing what you're doing. Would you like it? Would you approve of it? If your answer is NO, then stop now. It's that simple. And your husband should also be able to see things the same way. That way, peace and order can be maintained at home, and love and romance can continue on until you are old.

    As for women who allow married men to pursue them, I have a lot of mean words to say about that, pero pag nagkwentuhan nalang tayo, dear haha! Great post, Mommy Practicality!

  2. Yes yes yes to this. I always hear my mom say this na wives hold the family together.

    I think if the guy is asking for friendship and this friendship is a temptation to the girl, then better yet break it all off. Why would you exchange your family with someone you have never met? People can be good! And if we solely depend on the goodness they show us because of their intentions, then we will never be able to build a strong relationship. Be it with friends or family.

    From one of the songs in the movie Fireproof.. 'Love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for...'

    (Nung una ko tong nakita naalala ko si Papa Jack na famous sa ganitong mga love problems. hihi)

  3. Thank you Patricia @MrsPCuyugan! I discussed this thoroughly with hubby to make sure the advice and our thoughts are balanced. But yes, sobra talaga I tell my friends that everything is dependent on the woman, that's how powerful we are. :)

  4. I remember when A and I were going through a rocky stage in our bf-gf relationship. I was in London then and he was in the Philippines so the distance really made everything tougher. Both of us found comfort from other people instead of talking about the problem. We dated other people, we went to parties, we just went wild. This only made our situation worse since there were other people involved. We truly regret our choices back then (though we are not ashamed to share it with people who ask us how we maintain such a strong relationship and bond), but instead of pointing fingers at whoever is at fault, we just focused our energy on rebuilding our relationship. It was super hard at the beginning, but like we always remind each other... baby steps lang!

    I guess my point is, seeking comfort from someone (I'm referring to people who will only contribute to making the problem worse/more complicated - this can be anyone: a nega friend, your mother in law, anyone!) other than your partner when you are having problems in your relationship is not advisable. The wiser thing to do is to just talk AND willingly listen because that's when you can explain your sides to each other and maybe reach an agreement that will make both of you happy. We've been doing this ever since and we haven't encountered big issues in our marriage.

    And as for the other guy who is willing to just "be friends," I'd suggest that Mrs. X end the friendship already. Keeping the other guy around will only keep her asking herself, "What if?" And that's not good because she should just be focusing on reconnecting with her husband. Also- I don't think it's good to keep a "friend" who is well aware that she has a family, but would still suggest that he'll be around when Mrs. X decides to split with her husband. That's a red light right there. Just my two cents!

  5. Hello Kim, thank you so much for taking time to first read this article and for sharing your own experience. I agree in all the points that you raised in your comments. It's true that whatever you think will not help the relationship flourish, end it. God bless your union and I couldn't thank you enough for such a thoughtful advice you've given here. Take care always! :)


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Mommy Practicality is a home and lifestyle blog that's about positive, informative, 
inspirational and helpful sharing of life experiences of a working mom 
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It hopes to influence moms and women to realize 
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